Trouble with Titles

The Karate Kid (2010) vs. The Karate Kid (1984)

2010-06-14T20:25:00.002-04:00

VS:

Where it is better:
The martial arts scenes in the 2010 version are much more creative and dynamic, reflective of the use of Kung Fu, Chinese styles. Also reflective of the way western movies have come to adopt the more kinetic fighting style of Asian movie makers. The overall flow of the 2010 version improves on the lyrical pacing of the middle "training" scenes. And using the Chinese mountain range and the Great Wall as a backdrop results in breathtaking visuals. Wenwen Has as "Mei Ying" is cute as a button. And for all of us who every studied the Crane Kick in the 1984 version so closely you notice those little weak missteps (i.e., Ralph Macchio signaling to Willam Zabka which foot he's going to kick with, and the stutter step he took to time the kick properly) the finishing move in the new version is executed much better.

Where it is the same:
Both versions share the same story beats, and sometimes the exact same framing on certain scenes. Rather than being a detriment, the 2010 version seems to be playing homage to the original version rather than "stealing" or "copying". The "Pick Up The Coat" scene is a moving as the "Wax On, Wax Off" scenes. Jaden Smith not only nails the sweetness and overall goodness required for character (Ralph Macchio's specialty) he nails the more annoying traits that fully flesh out the character (there are times when both Daniel and Dre deserve to get their asses kicked).

Where it is deficient:
The 1984 version had more historical resonance by evoking the horrific consequences on the Manzar Interment Camps. The 2010 version obviously shirks any mention of politics (being one of the few western movie companies allowed to film in China) so while we can empathize with Mr. Han's personal tragedy, there's no sense of the man having to deal with fighting on behalf of a country that still viewed his race as the enemy.

Also, some movie critics wonder why Chen (the Chinese Johnny) has so much antipathy to Dre. There is a brief mention that Chen "likes" Mie Ying, but that isn't enough to justify him ready to kill the guy. Is it because American's are coming in and taking jobs from the Chinese in their own country? Is it a racial thing? The 2010 version glosses over those sort of questions.

Misc:
In the tournament sequence, Chen fights and defeats a flashy, obviously mohawked kid named "Wu Ping". Is this a reference to Master Yuen Wu Ping the fight choreographer for the Matrix and Kill Bill movies? The Master has a reputation of being dislikable. David Carradine characterized Wu Ping as a primadonna his memoir "The Kill Bill Diary". Is there some beef between Jackie Chan's stunt team and Wu Ping's stunt team?

My Avatar Revew-Bullet Format

2009-12-20T17:37:00.020-05:00

I've been struggling with this blog for awhile. Not only is it a review of the movie, I was also going to follow up with an essay called "The Eye and the Web: Symbols of Gender Politics in the world of 'Avatar'". Frankly, the essay and the review were getting a bit boring to write, which means it would be torture for you readers. Therefore for the sake of brevity, I'll just write my blog in bullet points:

Review:

Go see "Avatar", especially in 3D. It is awesome! (And by "awesome" I mean that it does indeed inspire awe.)

Zoe Saldana should be recognized for here amazing work in this film. Much of the movie depends on her. If we viewers don't fall in love with her character, then the whole project becomes pointless. Saldana breaths so much vitality into her digital character that the viewer quickly accepts the character's reality and the reality of the world of Pandora. Kudos for a great effort.

Essay (Spoiler Warning):

The genius of the movie "Avatar" is the detail and depth attributed to the ecology and culture of the world of Pandora.

If you pay attention, you will see key, recurring visual symbols and dialogue clues that help the viewer gain a better understanding of the contrast between human and Na'vi culture, in relation to gender politics.

In the human world, our genders are symbolized by the Mars and Venus

In the movie war-like Mars is represented by Colonel Miles Quaritch (played by Stephen Lang), the leader of the Pandora Colony security forces. Quaritch sees environment Pandora as the embodiment ultimate enemy and responds in kind.

Venus is represented by Dr. Grace Augustine, chief scientist and head of the Avatar program, played by Sigourney Weaver. As an ecologist, Augustine recognizes that the true value of the Pandora planet lies in the interconnectedness of the flora and fauna, and she struggles (in vain) to protect the Na'vi from the depredations of the human forces.

It should be noted that both Quaritch and Augustine are able to alternatively manipulate and intimidate the other characters to achieve their respective goals, but they seen to be neither afraid or impressed by the other. This reinforces the Mars/Venus dichotomy represented by each character as they are opponents of old, and rest of the characters are almost like pawns to be sacrificed, in the name of their eternal gender wars.

In contrast, the Na'vi culture strikes a more fruitful balance between the genders, and this balance is represented by the recurring symbols of the Eye (male) and the Web (female).

Recurring male-Eye symbols: the movie opens and closes on close ups of the main character's eyes; Pandora is a moon of the gas giant planet named "Polyphemus" which, much like Jupiter, contains a central storm system that looks like a giant eye; the planet "Polyphemus" is named after the the one-eyed cyclops from Greek mythology and Homer's "Odyssey"; Na'vi warriors perform a ritual blessing over the animals they kill for sustenance by speaking the words "I see you" over the body.

In the context of the movie, the Eye represents awakening and epiphany.

Recurring female-Web symbols: The Na'vi name for Pandora is "Eywa" which roughly translates to "Gaea", the primordial Mother deity of Greek mythology (in early drafts of the script the "Gaea" allusion was made more distinctly clear); Augustine slowly discovers that the Eywa plant life emit a measurable form of bio-electricity, which not only explains why all lifeforms on the moon is bio-luminescent, but also indicates that this energy can transmit bio-data between the lifeforms; the Na'vi are equipped with an external central nervous system (CNS) node that allows them to "network" with riding animals and certain plant life; in spiritual rituals, the Na'vi, arrange themselves in a bodily "web" focused around a central focal point.

In the context of the movie, the Web represents spiritual connectivity between lifeforms.

In the Na'vi culture, the traditional male/female roles are not as divided as in human culture. For example: Na'vi tribes are lead by male/female pair; the male is responsible for the physical well being of the tribe (hunting, shelter, security) while the female is responsible for the spiritual well being (maintaining tribal history, schooling, agriculture, diplomacy between the tribes). Each member has equal status.

Other examples of the inter-connectivity of genders in Na'vi culture: both males and females are taught to be warriors; the "I see you" blessing is used in hunting rituals as well as mating rituals; during the Na'vi rite of passage for the male male character, the tribe forms a web with him at the focal point; during the Na'vi mating ritual, both the Eye ("I see you") and the Web (connecting CNS nodes) are represented.

The main theme of the movie for me is that the strength of the Na'vi culture is due to the populations ability to maintain deep physical and spiritual connections with the environment, something that is lacking in human culture. The movie is a warning from James Cameron which is kind of ironic. The man is mainly known for pushing technology to the extreme to service his movie making. Yet is should be noted that all his stories are allegorical warnings about the dangers of technology running amok as well as, showing us how the strength of the human spirit (often represented by strong female characters) can help us overcome the most apocalyptic of events.

Other miscellaneous things to point out: the battle techniques of the Na'vi are reminiscent of the guerrilla (read: terroristic) tactics used by smaller, poorly equipped warriors against larger, more technically advanced armies; the destruction of Hometree is a directly evocative of the destruction of the Twin Towers (even down to the ash-covered landscape); and Quaritch's physical mannerisms (walking "apelike" with fists clenched and palms facing to the rear) and use of terms such as "shock and awe" reminds me of a ballsier, scarier, George W. Bush.

Upon My Death... (All Time Best Funeral Songs)

2009-08-06T19:18:00.006-04:00

In "Funny People", Judd Apatow's latest movie, there is a funny, and melancholy scene where "Ira", Seth Rogan makes a iTunes song mix for his boss "George", played by Adam Sandler, who is diagnosed with a terminal illness. It got me thinking, if I could DJ my own funeral, what songs would I play. I scanned my own iTunes playlist and came up with the following Top 10 selections:

10) "Keep Me In Your Heart", Warren Zevon

I cribbed this directly from the movie. Zevon wrote the song for his farewell album "The Wind", which was recorded after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The best part of this song is the line "keep me in your heart for awhile". It's the "awhile" that gets me. Not "forever". Just "awhile".

9) "Landslide", Dixie Chicks

The Dixie Chicks recorded my favourite cover of this song. It's sweet and sad and it's about lost loves.

8) "Breakdown", Handsome Boy Modeling School

To me, this song is about a business man, riding the commuter train, hoping (praying) that it would breakdown, so he can take some time to smell the roses. I guess we can all relate. It's from "White People" one of the best underground hip hop albums in recent history, and second album performed by Handsome Boy Modeling School, i.e., genius producers Prince Paul and Dan the Automator. Alas the Handsome Boy Modeling School broke up shortly thereafter over money problems, just as they were on the verge of breakout success. How sad.

7) "I Wish You Were Here", Incubus

The title this song may inspire somewhat ghoulish connotations at a funeral, but I like it for two reasons:
a. its a wonderful love song; and b. it rocks! Hard!

6) "Jamaica Farewell", Harry Belafonte

My family emigrated from Jamaica, so this song has special meaning for me. But the key to this song is how the protaganist is so sad about leaving home and that "little girl in Kingston Town", but the sadness doesn't stop him from making the journey. He's saying goodbye, but looking ahead at the same time. To me, that is very powerful and important.

5) "I'll Fly Away", Alison Krause and Gillian Welch

A traditional hymn about earthly death and everlasting glory. Alison Krause and Gillian Welch's arrangement is light, hopeful and exceedingly beautiful.

4) "No Rain" Blind Melon

The song successfully evokes by university years without sounding dated. Plus, added bonus: Bee Girl! Yay!

3) "We're Going to Be Friends", The White Stripes

The song is little kids going to school and making new friends. There is a wonderful innocence and simplicity to this song, and I can think of few better to play at a funeral.

2) "The Wind", Cat Stevens

Great song. Sad, sweet and more importantly, short. Cameron Crowe used it to great effect in his movie "Almost Famous".

1) "Ahead By A Century", The Tragically Hip

Arguably, the best Canadian rock song, and one of Teresa's favourites. This song was the Hip's highest charting single, and is a love song to the best country in the world.

So Readers, do you have songs you would like to play at your funeral? If so, please comment. I am intersted.

AKW

Green Lanter Fan Trailer

2009-05-29T19:46:00.003-04:00

Hey Guys! Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hTiRnqnvDs

Help me out, here. Some fans cobbled together this trailer from scenes from other movies. I was able to identify a few, but I didn't get them all. Can you ID some of the movies used for this clip:

Movies ID'd so far:

Serenity
Firefly
Hulk
Iron Man
The Fountain
Dragon Ball Z (?)
Stargate
Contact
Star Trek (The newest one)
Bedtime Stories
Matrix Revolutions

Watchmen Review

2009-03-10T17:20:00.007-04:00

(Visit my blog at www.twit-akw.blogspot.com to see the embedded video.)

The Watchmen has been reviewed ad nauseum, and I'm somewhat hesitant of adding my opinion to the clamour, especially after Patton Oswalt's defense (visit http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=67077201&blogId=475266763). For the sake of brevity, here's my bullet-point review of the Watchmen:

It was good. Not great, but the best film adaptation of the graphic novel possible. The graphic novel is the better product, but the movie rocks.

It was long, and detailed, which was good for fans of the graphic novel, but tried the patience of the general movie going audience.

Acting wise, Malin Ackerman and Mathew Good were not as bad as everybody else says.

Jackie Earl Healy was a great Rorschach. Patrick Wilson was a great Nite Owl.

The soundtrack and score were both way too over the top, and were the chief detriments to the movie.

All in all, a great effort by all involved, including Zack Snyder.

I watched the film with four of my friends, of which all but one had read the graphic novel previous to viewing the film. Our post-viewing discussion touched on the fight scenes. A couple of my friends didn't think much of them and thought they were gratuitous. I, on the other hand, really liked them and thought they served a key purpose. The fight scenes, specifically the fighting styles used by each individual character provided clues to characterization that I (geek that I am) found fascinating. For example:

The Comedian's Fighting Style: Classic American Brawler

The Comedian started his crime-fighting career cleaning up New York's riverside docks so his style is consists mainly of fist-blows backed by power provided by his muscular physique. He uses intimidation, weaponry and dirty-fighting techniques to give him the upper hand against his opponents. He's always grabbing for weaponry, recognizing the advantage of force multipliers like knives, make-shift clubs and guns. He fight on instinct and emotion which works when he's on the winning side. But he's old, slow, prone to making mistakes out of desperation when he starts to lose. His murder kicks off the story's plot line.

Rorshach's Fighting Style: Suicidal Street Fighter

If city is an urban jungle, Rorschach is the meanest, cruelest cat on the block. He's not the lion. He's the cat that makes the lion slink away in terror with its tail curled down around it balls for protection. Rorshach is shorter and slighter than his crime fighting companions, but he makes up for this disadvantage in three ways:

He fights nasty (boxing backed up by a kitchen sink assortment knee's elbows and kicks).

He uses his environment as a weapon (the way he moves up and down vertical height's is reminiscent of free-running/Parkour, and he uses makeshift weapons culled from generic household items).

He's fucking psychotic.

Never fight a guy who doesn't care about dying? You could break all his limbs and he would still bite. He's a killer, straight and simple, and his uncompromising, black and white morality, and severe death wish more than makes up for any physical shortcomings. Given that, his ultimate fate is not that surprising.

Nite Owl's Fighting Style: Efficient, Scientific Hand to Hand Style.

After a decade of government-mandated retirement, the Nite Owl seems to have softened around the edges and grown himself a respectable spare tire. But there's a lot of power behind that bulk. Plus, as a scientist, he understands the value of incapacitating his opponents with one strike, especially when fighting against greater numbers. Nite Owl aims for his opponents weak spots, preferring to shatter knees, shins and elbow joints in order to quickly deal with an opponent, and to make sure that opponent cannot get up again to do him harm. Although he's the a technophile, he rarely uses offensive weaponry, preferring a brutal, punishing hand to hand combat reminiscent of Okinawan karate.

Silk Spectre's Fighting Style: She's Got Legs and She Knows How to Use 'Em.

As the only female crime fighter of the bunch, Silk Spectre has to maximise use of her natural assets: specifically her long legs. She employs a kicking style, similar to Korean martial arts. She deploys wheel kicks with precision timing, ensuring opponents feel the full, devastating effect of her force at it's maximum arc. Although she eschews the dirty fighting techniques that makes Rorshach such a formidable opponent, she's not adverse to close fighting using her elbow's and knees. When pushed, she will use weaponry, which gives some hint to her crime fighting linage. It may be a man's world, but this woman is able to hold her own quite effectively.

Dr. Manhattan's Fighting Style: None.

God's don't fight. They simply wave a hand and their opponents disintegrate. He's cold, dispassionate and he kills at a distance with a God's impunity.

Ozymandias's Fighting Style: The Ultimate Martial Artist.

He may be the smartest man in the world, and he's certainly the most dangerous. His back story includes years of travelling around Asia, learning every bit of martial theory he could. As a result, he has access to every style of martial art ever invented. But what makes him truly formidable as a fighter is how perceptive he is. Ozy observational skills makes him so intuitive, he borders on precognitive. How do you fight an opponent who can anticipate your next move based on minute shift in eye glances and body position? How do you kill a person who can read a bullet's ultimate trajectory before you even shoot? It's almost fitting that Ozy is such a voyeur, who reads the shifts in the cultural climate by watching fifty different television programs on fifty different TV screens all at one. He sees all, and he knows, man... he knows...

All Time Best - Hip-Hop 101

2009-02-24T20:14:00.013-05:00

(Visit my blog at www.twit-akw.blogspot.com to see all the embedded music videos)

Okay, a friend of mine posted the following comment on Facebook:

"I do not consider rap, a type of music. And I think that sampling in rap music should be illegal, because they always pick the good songs and then ruin them. Example: Coldplay ft. Jay-Z - Lost!"
--Laura S.

I, being a long time hip-hop fan, pretty much blasted her ass in a classic, beautiful, long, angry, ranting comment, which I will not recreate here. The gist of my rant was that although it is okay to not like hip-hip/rap, it's damn irresponsible to dismiss it as an art form. Frankly, her comment really pissed me off.

A couple of days later, I cooled off a bit and remembered the following bit of advice from good ol' Jay-Z:

"A wise man once told me don't argue with fools,
'cause people from a distance can't tell who is who"
--Jay-Z, Takeover

And I realized that I showed a fair amount of ignorance by blasting poor little Laura in my rant. I also realized that her comment was made more out of innocence, 'cause somehow, she missed out the last thirty years of some of the best music in the world. Living out in the boondocks will do that to ya.

Thus in an effort to educate young Laura S., I present the following history lesson, sort of like a primer, that one may use to gain a new appreciation (and maybe even respect) of the art form known as: hip-hop.

10) Sugarhill Gang, "Rapper's Delight"

Once upon a time, way back in the Year of Our Lord 1979, Debbie Harry from the rock group Blondie and Niles Rodgers from the disco group Chic, went out to a New York club to view a "hip-hop" and break-dancing event. The DJ at the event started playing the breakdown section of Chic's "Good Times". A spunky little rapper named Fab Five Freddy started freestyling to the song, and was quickly joined by his crew, known as the Sugarhill Gang. Debbie was so impressed by the rapper's skills she wrote the song "Rapture", describing the event. The Sugarhill Gang went on to record "Rapper's Delight", outright sampling Niles's song. Niles was pissed at first, but when the song became the first hip-hop song to top the music charts, he acknowledged that the song was "as innovative and important" to the music world as "Good Times".

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This song is roundly considered the first song to popularize hip-hop in the United States.

9) Aerosmith and Run DMC, "Walk This Way"

Back in the day, hip-hop was Black and heavy metal was White and never the twain would meet. Black people disdained heavy metal and white folks wouldn't listen to "that rap crap". Then one day, heavy metal bad boys, Aerosmith, joined ranks with old-school hip-hop ambassadors, Run DMC, and with a little help from uber-producer Rick Rubin (remember that name my friends) created this wonderful little ditty:

Visit this link to see the video.

The fan's response? Well, rock boys from Aerosmith's home town, Boston, threatened to set fire to any radio station that would dare play the song. Some black folks thought Run DMC was selling out. But, eventually, cooler heads prevailed, and both black and white were forever joined in eternal, musical harmony.

8) Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff, "Parent's Just Don't Understand"

The first hip-hop song to win a Grammy Award. No swearing either.

Visit this link to see the video.

I wonder what ever happened to that Fresh Prince fellow...

7) Beastie Boys, "Paul Revere"

In 1986, the Religious Right began to worry about the effect that "Black music" was having on the nation's youth. Then along came the Beastie Boys.

Holy shit...

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Remember that Rick Rubin guy. He produced the song.

6) Queen Latifah, "U.N.I.T.Y."

If you were wondering if there were any lady hip-hoppers, I invite you to Wikipedia and YouTube the following names: Roxanne Shante, Monie Love, MC Lyte, (Toronto's own) Michie Mee, Missy Elliot, the amazing Lauren Hill, Salt n' Pepa, (who added a lot of much needed female flava to the scene) and the First Queen of Hip-Hop:

Visit this link to see the video.

5) Public Enemy, "Fight the Power"

In the late '80's and early '90's, the hip-hop scene was full of Black Consciousness. The son's and daughters of the '60's revolution discovered that hip-hop was a powerful medium through which one could inspire a political movement within the Black Community. Chuck D from the group Public Enemy called hip-hop, "the Black man's CNN".

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These brother's just didn't play! Public Enemy blasted on the scene and almost single-handedly moved the progress of Black people ahead five years.

4) MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice.

And these two motherfuckers set us back fifteen years.

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3) Notorious B.I.G and Tupac Shakur
Known for being both profane and profound, Biggie Smalls and Tupac Shakur were two of the best rappers in recent memory. Their bitter feud and the resulting murders were tragedies that threatened the foundations of rap music. In both life and death, they represented a crucial turning point for the hip-hop culture. They would set the standard against which all future rappers would be measured.

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2) The Alternative Hip Hop Scene

After the debacle of the so-called East Coast/West Coast feud, and the death of Tupac and Biggie, hip-hop diversified. There was the commercial side of rap music, which promoted a free-spending, material and misogynistic lifestyle to urban and suburban youth. And then there was an alternative, underground scene, where creativity flourished almost in secret. The proponents underground scene pumped new lifeblood into hip-hop. Some of key players of the scene include (but are not limited to):

The Native Tongues (A Tribe Called Quest, Jungle Brothers, De La Soul, Black Sheep, Leaders of the New School. etc.)
Philadelphia's Roots Crew
Dead Presidents
Mos Def
Talib Kweli
Erykah Badu;
Jurassic 5; and
Outkast

These people were responsible for bringing hip-hop back from the brink. In 2004, comedian Dave Chappelle brought some of they key players together for a once-in-a-lifetime concert, which was documented in the movie Dave Chappelle's Block Party. This is hip-hop's graduating class, y'all, and this movie is a must-see for any true hip-hop fan.

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1) Hip-Hop's Refugee's

The term "hip-hop" is more than just term for a type of music. Hip-hop is cultural movement, with very specific codes and mores. Hip-hop has a world-wide following, and it's proponents use every aspect of this movement to express them selves. You can tell a hip-hopper by the way they speak, what they read, the way they dress, the way they conduct business. The art form surrounds us, and it pervades our lives in may unseen ways. Barack Obama could rightly be called the first Hip-Hop President, because he, like many of us, grew up immersed in the culture. But, even more profound, is the fact that hip-hop's world wide ambassadors have taken up the challenge of moving the art form into the new century. Some of these ambassadors are:

Cypress Hill
The 'Fugees
The Black Eyed Peas
DJ Q-Bert
MC Solaar
Dilated Peoples
Matisyahu

The newest kid on the scene is Toronto's (by way of Somalia) K'naan, who's new album dropped just yesterday. Check him out kid:

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So Laura, there's your starter lesson. Go forth, young one, because the journey of a thousand steps.... blah, blah, blah....

I Never Promised You A Rose Garden

2009-02-21T23:36:00.004-05:00

(Visit http://www.twit-akw.blogspot.com/ to see the videos embedded in this blog.)

I'm a sucker for love stories. In my opinion there is a very big difference between a love story and a "girly flick". Love stories are complex and varied. They can be about falling in love, falling out of love, unrequited love, obsessive love. When Harry Met Sally is about romantic love. The Terminator is about redemptive love. Aliens is about parental love. Kill Bill is about destructive love. It all good to me.

Girly flicks are generally about superficial love. Some may have the semblance of complexity, but if you think about it, the main characters tend to be more archetypes rather fully fleshed entities. Maid in Manhattan, Pretty Woman, and The Princess Diaries are all examples of girly flicks. And they have their place. They are like potato chips thoroughly enjoyable, but the are ersatz, wafer thin confections that are ultimately unhealthy if ingested in large amounts.

I've watched a couple of love stories lately, and had some thoughts about them.

Vicky Christina Barcelona (2008, dir. Woody Allen)

Cinefiles tend to praise Woody Allen films but I generally find them hard to like. Technically they are great, the cinematography is amazing, but it's the stories that put me off. He leans towards love stories, but his depictions of love is very difficult, almost too real for my taste. Vicky Christina Barcelona is a great example. Like other Woody Allen movies, it's a love story between beautiful, creative and artistic, but ultimately selfish, people.

Javier Bardem is really the best part of this movie. God, what man wouldn't love to have his confidence and charm. Who else could get away with proposing a three way just after introducing himself to two beautiful women, and have them seriously entertain the idea. The man is just plain sexy. Too bad the other actors weren't as appealing. I found Vicky (played by Rebecca Hall) too remote, Christina (played by Scarlett Johansson) too annoying and Maria (played by Penelope Cruz) just plain psycho. Of the three female lead characters, Penelope Cruz was by far, the better actor, but I don't know if that was an Academy Award worthy role.

In all, I thought the movie was just okay, but it confirmed my opinion that Woody Allen films are just not my cup of tea.

Normal, (2003, dir. Jane Anderson)

I could write a synopsis about this movie, but I think the trailer explains it much better.

You would be surprised how sweet and funny this movie is. It has such a great heart and really romantic performances from Tom Wilkinson and Jessica Lange. It's about the healing power of love, and how it can help transcend certain boundaries. It's less about transsexualism and more about asking your family to accept who you really are. I highly recommend it.

Watch "Men's Night Out"

2009-02-12T19:34:00.008-05:00

Okay, I'm on the record for having some hesitation to Zack Snyder directing The Watchmen, based on his previous comic book to film adaptation of 300, which was visually stunning, but the acting was pretty hambone.

The Watchmen comic is like, the Rosetta Stone of modern comics, and it was notoriously hard to adapt into film. Terry Gilliam, Darren Aranofsky and Paul Greengrass tried it, and subsequently abandoned it. At one point, Robin Williams was named as a possible Rorschach, and Keanu Reeves was named as a possible Dr. Manhattan. Despite all these big names, the movie remained in development hell for quite a while, which may not have been a bad thing for long-time fans of the graphic novel. It just seemed like the whole movie was a bit out of Zack Snyder's league.

But, the viral marketing campaign has got me re-thinking my original position a bit. It's obvious that Snyder takes the import of the whole undertaking seriously, and has immersed himself in the world of The Watchmen. Take for instance this film clip:

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I really dig the whole cheap-o, classroom filmstrip feel. It also is a creative way to evoke the Macarthy Era-like paranoia, which is a key theme of the graphic novel. Also the way Rorschach is captured in a way that reminds us that infamous Sasquatch-sighting shot is genius.

This news clip is also pretty cool:

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Also the movie's production company issues an 8-bit video game where you can fight as one of the Minutemen against Moloch and his henchmen. It's a nifty little link, and a fun way to add a bit more depth to the Watchmen universe. The link is provided here

A faithful recreation of The Watchmen's alternate reality, a reality where Nixon is King and God is blue, goes a long way of making me think this may be the first film adaption of an Alan Moore work that doesn't suck. I'm willing to gamble the price of a movie ticket, and I'm hoping my homies are willing to gamble with me.

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So, in March, I would like to plan the Watch-"Men's Night Out" for all the Dad's. You've got 17 day's 'til the movie's release (March 6, 2009), so you have ample time to alert the wives. Opening night is going to be at biatch, so let's plan for a matinee on opening weekend, either Saturday or Sunday March 7th or 8th (makes it easier on the wives too).

Shoot me an email if you are interested (Eric, you gotta let me know when you guys coming to visit so that you can participate). Cheers

Foreign Matter

2009-01-31T23:12:00.007-05:00

List of the movies I've watched so far since January 1, 2009:

La Mome / La Vie en Rose

A superb biopic from French director Olivier Dahan about the life and times of the legendary Edith Piaf. The film stars Marion Cotilliard, who was awarded the Academy Award for Best Actress last year for her efforts.

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Cotialliard's performance is mesmerizing, and it's tremendous how she uses every bit of body language, make-up, and voice-talent to bring Edith Piaf to life.

Crappy Rating Rhyme: La Vie en Rose certainly won't make you doze!

Lust/Caution

A glib analysis of Ang Lee's canon would be to say that he keeps remaking Romeo and Juliet, i.e., his movies all have the following elements:

two people fall in love/lust/passion... whatever...;
each person is bound to an entrenched lifestyle governed by societal and/or familial traditions;
their shared love in in major conflict to their life, and because of that...
their love is doomed;
one of the lovers dies and/or runs away to the South American jungle in an effort to control his Hulk powers;
the other lover tries to come to terms with the ruined affair (ultimately futile)

Thing is, he does it so well. And aside from the unfortunate detour that was the Hulk, he keeps getting better and better.

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A lot of the buzz about this movie comes from the explicit the sex scenes, and holy crap, are they scorching. Hint: If you like sex scenes where you see the guy's ball sac, prepare yourself to see some ball sac! Kudos to Tang Wei and Tony Leung who demonstrate such bravery in their performances. And not only in the sex scenes. There is a raw nakedness to the performances throughout the film. It's quite astonishing

Crappy Rating System: Who has two thumbs and likes Ang Lee movies? THIS GUY!!!
(I couldn't rhyme "caution".)

Sukiayki Western: Django

Director Takashi Miike is well known for his arresting cinematic mash-ups. In Audition, he mixed light-romantic comedy with psychological horror. With Ichi the Killer he mixed a Japanese Yakuza epic with... well horror again in such a disturbing manner part of me wishes I could un-watch that movie. With Sukiyaki Western: Django he mixes the spaghetti western with a samurai epic.

I, soooo, wanted to like this film. A Japanese film homage where all the actors speak English. Sound like it was right up my alley. But instead of kitchy-cool, the movie was like to dialogue: Without context, hard to understand and out of sync. Still, it has one of the best final scenes in movie history. Yep, even better than Deathproof. For those of you who don't like spoilers, beware the following clip:

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Cool, huh? I just with the whole movie was like that.

Crappy Rating Rhyme: I'm sorry but Django is a no-go.

Misc:

I really liked Zack and Miri Make a Porno. It was sweet and disgusting at the same time. Pure Kevin Smith.
I'm bumping Q-Tip's The Renaissance on the I-Pod quite regularly know. It's the return of soulful, creative and innovative hip-hop.
I tried reading The Last Temptation of Christ, but like the Bible itself, I lost patience with the language. The Scorsese film is superb, though!
Kazuo Koike and Goseki Kojima's Samurai Executioner is fantastic. A sobering and sometimes very graphic meditation on justice and punishment. Not recommended for every reader. Pick this one up using your own discretion.

Prop 8: The Musical

2008-12-04T19:15:00.000-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

If you can't see the above musical, just go to FunnyorDie.com and search for "Prop 8: The Musical".

All Time Best: The Most Important Question Ever!

2008-11-07T20:55:00.009-05:00

History is made. Barack Obama is President-Elect of the United States of America.

Now even though the hard-won, grueling presidential campaign is over, it's time to get down to business. It's time to ask some tough questions. And here is the most important question to be asked during Barack Obama's tenure as Commander-In- Chief:

Who is going to play him in the Inevitable Spike Lee Joint?

Here are my top five suggestions

5) Fred Arminsen

Okay, I only suggested this guy to immediately rule him out. Much has been made this year about Tina Fey's imitation of Sarah Palin during this season's episodes of Saturday Night Live. I would like to voice my utter disgust with Fred Arminsen's imitation of Obama. It just sucks

Really.

And it also proves a personal point of mine. Comedians should not be chosen to portray Obama in the Inevitable Spike Lee Joint. No Chris Rock. No Jamie Foxx. Nuh-uh!

Why?

Because Barack Obama isn't funny.

He may be eloquent and inspiring at the podium, and he's obviously going to go down in history as a great president, but he just plain ain't funny. In fact, the few verbal gaffes he made during the campaign were during times he was trying to tell a joke.

Next choice.

4) Denzel Washington.

Denzel could do a great job portraying a President Obama. Well, at least the young Denzel, the "Dark Gable" Denzel from A Soldier's Story and The Mighty Quinn would do very well. The Denzel from Man on Fire and American Gangster is just too plain old

3) Chiwetel Ejiofor

Superb actor! This guy would to a great job. Only problem: Nobody knows who he is. You need a major star for the Inevitable Spike Lee Joint

2) Don Cheadle

Personally, the best choice acting wise. This guy has a reputation amongst other great actors like Brad Pitt and George Clooney. They call him "The Scene Stealer", out of great respect. He always brings his "A" game. Just take a look at his debut as "Mouse" in Devil in A Blue Dress. He was so good that even Denzel had a hard time keeping up

1) Will Smith

Although I personally like Cheadle, Will Smith will inevitably play Barack Obama in the Inevitable Spike Lee Joint fir several reasons:

a)He's a major, bankable movie star, arguably the biggest;
b)Just the promise of him playing the role would put many butts in the seat;
c)After watching Pursuit of Happyness (a must-see for any new father), I really have a soft spot for guy;and
d)No need for make-up, ear-wise...

Now imagine if Will Smith plays Obama as the first Black President to save the planet from and alien invasion... that would be the most popular movie ever! I vote James Cameron to direct!

Also, since I'm in a 'blogging mood, I would like to offer Barack Obama the following unsolicited advice:

1) Refrain from visiting anywhere south of Maryland for the first year or so. Let those people chill out for a bit and get used to the idea...

2) If there is still a convertible in the Presidential motor pool, get rid of it.

3) Whatever you do, don't try to write your own jokes. In fact, forget telling any jokes. Just keep on with the eleven minute inspirational speeches.

4) Don't be like Bush and screw Canada out of the traditional first presidential visit to another country. I mean, even though we couldn't officially do anything about it, it just plan pisses us off!

5) Listen, man... for the first few weeks or so, the White House press corps will give you a really hard time. They do that to everybody. Back in the Clinton days, they literally made George Stephanopoulos cry. Just hang in there and ride the wave...

6) Listen, man... in the first few months or so, some terrorist whack job will try to give you a hard time. They do that to everybody. Send Sam Jackson over there to get medieval on their asses...

7) The American people need to have confidence in the economy right quick. To help promote spending, I highly recommend hiring Puff Daddy and the Wu-Tang Clan to your economic cabinet as soon as possible. The resulting demand for diamond-clad spinning rims would turn the US auto industry around in a hot minute.

8) Legalize weed.

9) Legalize gay marriages.

10)You might as well start smoking cigarettes again. Being President is stressful and you need some sort of vice to release the pressure. As far as I am concerned, smoking is much better for your approval ratings than banging unstable interns.

Keeper Man (another ode to my dog)

2008-10-07T10:14:00.008-04:00

(To be sung to the TV's "Spiderman Theme Song")

Keeper man, Keeper man,

Does whatever a greyhound can.

"Is he nice?" Listen, bud,

Every three months he donates blood.

Hey there!

Sweet little Keeper man!

Keeper man, Keeper man,

This greyhound is a big food fan.

He gets fed three times a day.

At five o'clock, he loves to play.

Oh yeah!

Love my old Keeper man!

Kinda cute,

not too bright.

Loves to bark,

hates to fight.

Every time we take a walk,

Neighbourhood kids love to gawk.

Keeper man, Keeper man,

Likes to pee on your garbage cans.

His farts could cause a household riot,

But we fixed it with a fish-based diet.

Hey there!

He's skinny but kinda cuddly,

Whenever you need a buddy,

Give love to Keeper maaaaaan!

Yeah!

I'm so witty!

2008-10-04T12:45:00.003-04:00

A buddy recently asked me the following question:

"Mr. TWIT, do you think that it is healthy to be on Facebook everyday?"

And my, oh, so witty answer was...:

"In my opinion it doesn't take long to get addicted to Facebook. They call it "Crackbook" for a reason. You know how Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, etc.)? I quite honestly think there are five stages of Facebook:

Stage 1) Dismissal
"Facebook, schmascebook, I don't care to get involved."

Stage 2) Curiosity
"Alright, maybe I'll try it for a little bit. I'll limit the amount of personal information I put on the site and keep my friends list tres small.."

Stage 3) Elation
"Wow, look how large my friends list is! I must be really popular! This is great! I can post personal, private family photos for everyone to see! Wow! Let's see if I can contact that girl who was my best friend back it grade five. I wonder why we stopped hanging out?"

Stage 4) Realization
"Why am I checking this thing every day? This is crazy! Who posted that picture of me mooning that police car? Why is that girl from grade five posting weird Scientology crap on my wall? Now I remember why we stopped hanging out... she was friggin' annoying!"

Stage 5) Acceptance
"You know, if I ignore certain people long enough, they stop trying to contact me. Its like evolutionary theory... it all works out. I even went two whole days before logging in. For that, I deserve a doughnut!"

I'm so friggin cool! I'm gonna get me a doughnut!

Warping My Baby's Brain: All Time Best List of Movies I Plan to Watch with My Kid

2008-09-05T21:35:00.007-04:00

As a movie fan and dedicated father-to-be, I've been discussing/describing movie plots with my unborn child, in utero. But as we all know, movies are made for watching, not for describing. So I present to you a list of movies, I feel, any child of a movie fan should immediately watch and gain an appreciation for (Is that even a proper sentence?).

5) Genre: Action

Raiders of the Lost Ark

The first movie my father took me and my brother to see in a real, honest-to-goodness movie theatre was to see Raiders of the Lost Ark. Obviously he didn't screen it first because the face melting scene at the end really messed us all up. But see, the best thing about Raiders is that it has an almost pitch perfect mix of action, comedy, romance and horror. That combination is why so many of us remember it with such fondness.

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4) Genre: Animation

My Neighbour Totoro

There's only one name for animation allowed in my house: "Miyazaki"!

Ummm... wait, only two names for animation allowed in my house: "Miyazaki" and "Pixar"!

Ummm... hold up a second, only three names: "Miyazaki", "Pixar" and "Chuck Jones"!

Wait... "Miyazaki", "Pixar" "Chuck Jones", "Tex Avery", "Hanna-Barbera", "Kricfalusi", "Rankin-Bass"...

Okay, okay, there's a lot of names of animation allowed in my house... yeesh!

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3) Genre: Romance

The Princess Bride

This movie is like Mary Poppins: Practically perfect in every way!

This version? Not so much...

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2) Genre: Kung-Fu Movie

Shaolin Soccer.

This movie.... is the craziest thing I've ever seen....

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1) Genre: Drama

Pulp Fiction

I plan to train my baby so that its first words are: "Royale with cheese!"

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Supervillains

2008-08-01T11:07:00.005-04:00

A little over a year ago, while I was hammering away at another blog on sheer crap-titude of the movie 300 , I put forth a list of rules that make a superhero movie successful. One of those rules was that the supervillain had to be somewhat sympathetic. The idea is that a bad guy you can sympathize with is the scariest kind of bad guy, because if you can relate their point of view, you are easier to seduce, and thus emotionally complicit with some of the acts they commit. Like all rules, this one should be tested rigorously for validity, so I submit to you the profile of three villains making some waves in recent pop culture as case study for the Sympathetic Supervillain rule.

Case Study #1 - Dr Horrible, from Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog.

Pro's

good singer;
sweetly goofy;
has nice taste in women;
has an underdog quality that make you wanna root for him;
wants to change the world

Con's

wants to change the world, but through evil;
his arch nemesis is a pretty-boy, prima-donna lunkhead;
embrace of video blogging makes it easy to foil evil schemes;
has supremely bad timing with women.

It's not hard to sympathize with Dr. Horrible. Even though he's the bad guy, we still root for him, because he... is Us. He's the put-downable, the down-trodded-ed, the nerd who always gets beaten and never gets the girl. At some point in our lives (oh, like in high school, maybe?) we've all been Dr. Horrible.

We get him.

We are him.

That's what makes the first two episodes of Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog so charming (the acting, and song-writing should be commended). And that's what makes the last episode so sad. The turn of events in the last episode gets the viewer, because the viewer has invested a lot of sympathy in... with... Dr. Horrible, we root for him as the underdog, and then in the final act, we feel partially responsible with the consequences of his actions.

Overall the series is short, but really affecting, and as a villain, Dr. Horrible is pretty compelling.

Case Study #2 - Dexter, from Dexter.

Pro's

really, really clean;
really, really good at his job;
really, really good boyfriend, brother and father-surrogate;
really, really good with scalpels and power tools.

Con's

serial killer in his spare time;
has a dark raging black hole of a soul that is periodically filled by the torment of his victims;
lives in Miami.

Dexter: forensics expert by day, serial killer by night. But get this... he's a good serial killer. He only goes after others like him.

Funny enough, the things that makes Dexter a great killer are the same things we look for in a comic superhero. He's charming, efficient and good at bringing evil-doer's to justice. Well... only if you consider "justice" to be torture, dismemberment and burial in a deep sea grave. He has his mild-mannered alter ego (quirky but efficient blood-splatter expert for the Miami police by day), he has a costume (when Dexter hunts, he's prone to wearing black jeans, black knit-shirts and black hoodies), and a nifty utility belt (his medical tools are housed in a really nice, tan, leather satchel). In many ways the conceit of the TV show Dexter is a deconstruction of the typical superhero story. The tension in the story lies not in rationalizing the various violent acts Dexter commits. It lies in the common superhero trope: Will Dexter's boss, family, girlfriend find out what he does in the dark watches of the night?

We sympathize with Dexter through his plight. He, like we, has secrets that we fear might alarm polite society. The funny thing is, as each episode goes by, we come to realize that the other people in Dexter's world, his sister, his co-workers, his lover, maybe even his father, have deep dark secrets that pale next his his own.

Case Study #3 - The Joker, from The Dark Knight.

Pro's

uh... none!

Con's

designed to evoke your antipathy;
twitching, asymmetrical posture
diseased facial paint and scarring,
dissonant voice from Perdition,
greasy hair (you can practically see the bugs flying around amongst the strands).

Despite the Con's, for some reason, people love the Joker. He's sexy. Hell, even Batman can find it in himself to kill the him, despite the fact the Joker more than deserves it.

The question is why. Why is the Joker so compelling?

Maybe because we're attracted to power. Maybe we're attracted to the dark things. The Joker amoral, anarchic and totally devoid of simple human empathy. He is the Batman's complete psychological Other. While Batman has a rational origin, the Joker is irrationality brought life. It's as if Gotham City itself organically hatched a maniacal Dionysus in response the Batman Apollonian existence. In other words, The Joker is the city, the environment balancing it's scales. Maybe we're attracted to Joker because were attracted to the same irrationality that resides within us. Maybe the Batman saves the Joker in the end because he... (read: "we")... need him.

To paraphrase Alan Moore, without the Joker, the Batman is just some nutcase who shows up to a brawl wearing a mask with pointy ears. Keep in mind even while fighting to uphold societies laws, the Batman, a vigilante, breaks them. The notion of superheroism cannot support itself for long unless you got some really, crazy, clown distracting the general population from the fact that you are just a slightly less crazy goon.

So my friends, send in the clowns! Send in the charming killers, the hatchers of evil-plots, and the doer's of manic misdeeds. Call them "villains" if you must, but know this... to someone, somewhere... they are the true hero's.

Plan B - All Time Best YouTube Remixes

2008-07-16T14:05:00.008-04:00

My orignial plan was to blog about about the following:

2008 being the Summer of the Superhero (because of Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, the new Batman, and Dr Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog, etc.); and
A deconstruction of the role of the Supervillan, by comparing Neil Patrick Harris' "Dr. Horrible" to Heath Ledger's "Joker".

But right now I am a bit dissolusioned about discussing anything Batman related because of the Christian Bale arrest, so, instead, I present to you a review of YouTube's Best Remixes.

Number 5 - "Shining"

The Shining directed by Cameron Crowe instead of Stanley Kubrick. Apparantly the key difference between horror and feel-good family comedy is putting Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill" in your soundtrack.

Number 4 - "Brokeback to the Future"

This makes me giggle.

Number 3 - "ROFLMAO"

A Muppet Show classic remixed by World of Warcraft. Cute.

Number 2 - "Scary Mary"

Mary Poppins = Devil Spawn.

Number 1 - "Bert and Ernie tries Gangsta Rap"

And the video that inspired this blog in the first place. Thank you AV Club:Videocracy! Bert and Ernie represent that Seseme Street, son!

C is for "Comics": A Review

2008-06-29T19:39:00.005-04:00

Hello folks! Time for another review of the comics I'm reading this month. As always, these comics will be evaluated on what I will call, "The Jeneric Scale". Basically, I'll review the comic and then let you know if it is worthy to be read by either Jenni or Eric, or both, or neither.

1) Wanted by Mark Millar and J.G. Jones. Top Cow Comics

Wesley Gibson suffers a million little humiliations every day. His job sucks, his co-workers hate him, his girlfriend is sleeping with his best friend and he's bullied every day on the way home by the neighborhood toughs. All this changes when he finds out that he's the sole heir of a superhuman assassin, and he's been recruited to carry on the family business.

This is the avatar of adolescent escapist fantasy. It's violent, juvenile and amoral. It's also some of the best comic writing of late, with a premise to die for. Mark Millar's tale was inspired by his bigger brother, who one day told the younger Mark that all his favourite comic book hero's once existed in real life, but the were all killed by the supervillans. The sheer nihilism presented in this book proves that sibling trauma makes fertile ground for future writers. This book is the logical extension of the media changing concepts introduced in Alan Moore's The Watchmen and Frank Millar's The Dark Knight Returns. The ending, which consists of the main character breaking the fourth wall, is a doozy.

Suggested for (Jenni or Eric?): Neither, actually. It's a good book, but I'm not taking any responsibility for recommending this book to anybody. They're going to have to approach this one on their own.

PS: The movie version of Wanted was released this weekend with Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy. Slate.com reviews highly recommend the movie for S&M aficionados. Something tells me that this ain't no "date movie".

2) Y:The Last Man Volume 10: Whys and Wherefores by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra. Vertigo Comics

Brilliant end to a brilliant miniseries. The best road adventure since the Wizard of Oz. I've been waiting for this book to come out for a long while and although I have some minor problems with the plotting and pacing of some of the last issues, overall the reading experience was quite satisfactory.

Suggested for: Jenni, although I am betting she already got herself a copy by now.

3) Path of the Assassin by Kazuo Koike & Goseki Kojima

It took me a while to get into this book. A somewhat fictionalized historic account of the rise of Japan's Tokugawa empire, this series is another entry into Koike's and Kojima's Edo period books (i.e., Lone Wolf and Cub and Samurai Assassin). Full of political intrigue and suspense. Don't confuse this one for a kids book. It deals with adult situations and the depictions of violence and sex may not be appropriate for everybody. But think of it as a full-blooded presentation of The Art of War.

Suggested for: Eric. He'll appreciate the details.

4) Planet Hulk by Greg Pak. Marvel Comics

I'm having so much fun with this title. Basically a retelling of Spartacus, except with the Hulk. Each issue gets better and better. The writing is top notch. Hulk titles haven't been this good since Todd McFarlane took the reins way back in the late 80's.

Recommended for: Both Jenni and Eric. Because HULK SMASH!!!

5) Secret Invasion by Brian Michael Bendis and Leinil Yu. Marvel Comics

Ever since the days of Crisis on the Infinite Earths, both DC and Marvel have presented an annual summer cross-over event that shakes up their individual universes. Last year Marvel had the lackluster Civil War storyline, that didn't do much other than to piss of fans. This year's Secret Invasion totally makes up for the previous crap.

The synopsis: A race of shape-shifting aliens called the Skrulls have infiltrated all of Earths defenses and has initiated a hostile takeover of our planet. They mean to wipe out all humans and repopulate Earth as their new throne-world. Normally Earth's Mightiest Superheroes would nip this in the bud, except, some of them are Skrulls in disguise. These sleeper agents have successfully reaped the seeds of doubt sown amongst the heroes during the Civil War crisis, and now nobody knows who to trust.

Usually these summer cross-over events are just a marketing ploy to get fans to buy all the associated titles. But this time around, the core Secret Invasion title is creepily suspenseful and very satisfying. You don't need to buy all the cross-overs to make this one work.

Suggested for: Both Jenni and Eric. Because it's just that good!

The Alphabet Project 3 - Evolution of the Action Hero

2008-05-25T00:54:00.007-04:00

In the beginning, God created the action hero in his own image. And when I say "God", I mean that Old Testament God. He of the plagues and the burning bushes. Thus, John Wayne was born.

"Duke". The All-American Icon. The man, who according to movie history, practically single-handedly tamed the Wild West and won the second World War, armed with a six shooter and a wild right hook. Duke was big in stature, and had the chiseled, square jaws befitting a classic hero. The avatar of everything we're lead to believe about manhood. Duke performed in a world completely devoid of grey areas. Black and White only. The bad guys either wore black hats or spoke and English-accent that stood for "German". The good guys were... well Duke himself. Everybody else was sheep. And thus God was pleased.

But Man had a different idea. Man created a new action hero in his own image. His name was Humphrey Bogart.

Bogie was short, scarred and spoke with a lisp. He didn't look like a classic hero, in fact in the early part of his career he was often cast as the bad guy. Murderers and gangster roles. Bogie lived in a world of grey, and knew what it took to survive. And that's what what made him so belivable to audiences. He was a survivor first, and quite often he was reluctant to demonstrate any heroics. He would only act when he was forced to betray a deep underlying code of honor.

So here we have the two symbols of of the modern action hero. The Duke's iconic approach has been successfully co-opted by other actors such as Arnold Schwarzenegger (Commando, Predator) , Sylvester Stallone (Rambo, Rocky) and Stephen Segal (Hard to Kill, Above the Law, and a bunch of other crappy movies with three word titles). Bogie's role as the conflicted, reluctant hero has been appropriated by Bruce Willis (Die Hard), Mel Gibson (The Road Warrior, Lethal Weapon) and Brad Pitt (Legends of the Fall). The purpose of this blog is to discuss three movies in my DVD library that demonstrate the evolution of the action hero from the old fashioned, All-American icon, to the more interesting and believable reluctant hero.

Big Trouble In Little China, 1986. Director, John Carpenter.

This DVD contains one of the best audio commentaries in movie history. Director John Carpenter and lead actor Kurt Russell's discussion is amiable and friendly, more a casual chat between two old-dog Hollywood insiders that not only is fun to listen to, but chock full of information for film fans. For example, Russell modeled his character, Jack Burton, after the Duke himself. The speech pattern, over-confident swagger and traditional, All-American mind-set.

But the movie undercuts all of this with a simple staggering fact. Jack Burton's excess of ego and limited smarts blinds him to the fact that he's not the "hero". The true hero of the movie is his pal Wang Chi, while Jack is an unwitting second banana. The movie is a satire of the jingoistic, over-wrought action blockbusters that plagued us during the 1980's. Jack honestly thinks he's Rambo, but really he's Elmer Fudd. Not once, during the whole movie does he clue in.

Pure genius.

This movie should be considered the first step in the evolution of the modern action hero because here is where we saw all the faults with the classic hero paradigm. In the classic hero paradigm, the image is valued more than the true reality. If you dig just a little bit behind the image, you quickly see that there is nothing real behind enough to support it. Sure, John Wayne played a great soldier, but did you know he never enlisted? He didn't outright dodge the draft, but he allowed himself to hide behind his celebrity status to avoid serving during WWII. Hell, even Bogie enlisted (he was a Navy man). The Duke was just an Iowa-boy, whose real first name was "Marion".

There is a scene in Big Trouble that encapsulates this whole concept of image over substance. In the moments immediately prior the final, climactic, battle of the movie. Jack Burton stands on the ready line with a whole army of good guys, facing the enemy hordes. The good guys shout their war cry, and Jack, caught up in the extacy of the approaching battle fires his machine gun in the air. The bullets from the machine gun tears apart chucks of of brick from an overhead arch. The bricks strike Jack in the head, knocking him out stone cold. Thus while the rest of his buddies battle, Jack spends most of the final battle flat on his back.

Again, pure genius.

The Bourne Identity, 2002. Director, Doug Liman.

The Bourne Identity is all about duality. Everything you think you know about the movie is different from the actuality. It's an action movie, but is has more intelligence than most of the drama's made during the same year. It's a cold war era thriller, but something about the movie makes it resonate with post-911 political intrigue.

This duality is expressed by the character of Jason Bourne. The brain-washing gives Bourne the abilities of the classic mythical hero. When faced with danger, Bourne thinks fast, acts fast, is superhumanly strong and undeniably capable. But anytime the character is faced with emotion, he's lost, indecisive and weak.

So here, in one character, we have elements of the two hero archetypes. We have a man programmed to be super-human, just like John Wayne, but his amnesia, his lack of identity, actually makes him weak and conflicted and human, just like Bogie. If you think about it, it's quite easy to understand why the franchise is so popular. With Bourne, we get a two-fer, thus pleasing both God and Man.

Children of Men, 2006. Director, Alfonso Cuarón.

Theo Faron, the character played by Clive Owen is the new breed of action hero, perfect for the post-911 world. Theo is us, the everyman. He is weak, he is compromised, and he is quite happy to look the other way while the world slowly turns to shit. This guy is stripped bare, he is the antithesis of any hero we've ever seen in the movies. He's not proactive, the guy doesn't have superpowers or wicked fighting skills, and in seeming disregard to the most basic action movie trope, the guy never picks up a gun. Not once does he ever touch a gun during the whole movie. To further demonstrate his symbolic emasculation there is a long sequence where he has to resort to wearing flip flops for footwear. I mean, flip-flops, man. Even Jack Burton had some cool-ass cowboy boots.

External circumstances force Theo to make the transition from sheep to reluctant hero. And the funny thing is, that the moment he decides to be proactive, these same circumstances conspire to make things way more difficult for him than necessary.

Take for instance the scene where he, Kee and Miram make their escape from the farm. The car he chooses to leave in cannot start by the ignition alone. It has to be rolled up to speed and then jump started. Thus you get one of the most riveting, suspenseful chase scenes ever recorded where Theo has to push a car loaded with two women up and down a mud path while being chased by a half-dozen armed terrorists. He pushes, the car rolls and he gains a bit of lead from the bad guys, but he hits a mud patch, and the car slows, too slow for the engine to turn over. So he jumps out an begins to push. Miriam jumps in the front seat and turns the key, accidentally hitting the brakes at the same time, further slowing the car and still the engine won't turn. Theo yells at her to release the brakes, the car starts to roll faster, but the terrorists have almost caught up. Luckily they hit a steep grade and the car rolls even faster, but Theo, is so exhausted he can hardly catch up. And on it goes.

Children of Men is not only a great post-911 thriller, it's also a revitalization of the sci-fi genre. It forgoes the current interpretation of sci-fi (laser guns and space jump suits) and presents us with a more respectful approach to the genre, rooted in tradition of John Whydam. This depiction of the future feels real, because it's a plausible extrapolation of current conditions.

The heroics demonstrated by Theo, particularly at the end of the film feels equally real. An ordinary man placed in an extraordinary situation. He has the same chances of success or failure that anyone of us would have in that same situation. He may not look like a hero, and most times he hardly acts like a hero... but despite all his weakness, he approaches a point where he has to make a choice. It's at that point where he, and we by extension, can fleetingly approach our truest and noblest potential. Sometimes, my friends, that is all it takes to become a hero.

The Alphabet Project Part 2: Aviator (The), Before Sunrise, Before Sunset

2008-05-07T23:20:00.007-04:00

The Aviator, 2004.
Director: Martin Scorsese.

I have a friend who has sworn personal vow against Leonardo DiCaprio. Apparently, some time ago, she saw an episode of "Growing Pains" on TV, saw Leo act (way back when he was a kid) and thought he was so awful that she refused to watch anything else with him in it. It's a shame because watching Leo (as Howard Hughes) descend into a bottomless pit of compulsion, madness and despair is quite entertaining.

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Also Cate Blanchette as Katharine Hepburn is divine!

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Before Sunrise, 1995.
Before Sunset, 2004.
Director: Richard Linklater.

We all are familiar with the saying "Love at first sight". It's a common romantic pastiche, but I don't really hold to it. In my experience the truest test of love is the conversation. People I know tend to fall in love during those rambling 3-hour long, late night talks you have with your significant other at some early point in the relationship. It's at that point you start thinking: "Hey, I could spent my life with this person." And why not, 'cause when you get down to it, a long-term relationship is basically one long, never-ending conversation. Divorce is just another way of realizing you have nothing else of value to say to one another.

Before Sunrise and Before Sunset is about two people falling in love during a conversation lasting two nights over nine years.

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What I really like is how that conversation evolves. In the first movie, the two characters Jesse (played by Ethan Hawke) and Celine (played by hot-ass Julie Delpy) meet on a train travelling towards Vienna. As they initially engage in their conversation, the dialogue subtly off-key, as if they are waiting to speak instead of listening to each other. But the point where they connect is when Jesse speaks of having a vision of his recently deceased grandmother. Later on in the movie, Celine cites that monologue as the point she really begins to fall for Jesse.

It's interesting how in Before Sunset, a situation with Cecile's grandmother eventually has significant consequences later on in the relationship. The one thing that 'causes her to connect with Jesse is the same thing that causes a major disconnect six months later. And it's also interesting how much chemistry the two characters seem to have, and how their connection survives a 9-year gap in between both movies.

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I have three favorite scenes in the sequel. 1) The scene on the boat where Jesse drops the polite, trite facade and asks the question that we, the audience, have been waiting so long to ask; 2) The scene in the limo where Celine loses it; and 3) the very last scene in Celine's apartment (especially Jesse's last line). For some reason, my wife, Teresa, thought that the movie ended on an ambiguous note. For me, the movie couldn't be more "biguous". I think most guys would agree choice between catching a flight to Newark or watching the bouncing joys of Julie Delpy's Parisian butt, ain't no choice at all.

...Except for me, 'cause I like Teresa's butt better.

The Alphabet Project - Part 1

2008-04-26T22:28:00.004-04:00

Last Wednesday, I was struck with an awesome desire to do something active coupled with an equally awesome desire to do nothing that would be considered constructive. Normal people call this feeling "boredom". Therefore, I decided to alphabetize my DVD collection. I cannot tell you how much I thoroughly enjoyed the task.

As I entered the last DVD in my Mennonite-built spinning wooden rack (the movie was Unbreakable, if you must know), I wondered how cool it would be to re-screen all my DVD's in alphabetical order. And how even more cool would it be to 'blog about it. (And by "cool" I mean "weird and nerdy"). Thus began what I cheerfully designate "The Alphabet Project".

Aliens, 1986. Director: James Cameron.

Upon re-screening this movie, I was amazed at how badass it still is. Made before the CGI era, all special effects are practical, but to me the movie is still very fresh. And although I know just about every line and beat of the movie, it remains very scary.

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Sigourney Weaver as "Ellen Ripley" was wonderful. Women in sci-fi are often given token supporting roles as either some sort of space hooker or militarized, masculine-ized, pseudo-male. Ellen Ripley is a godsend of a role, a resourceful sci-fi hero who's strength is linked to the nurturing, motherly instincts that the Newt character brings forth. This makes her a formidable warrior and compelling character, while still maintaining her femininity.

Also compelling, Carrie Henn as "Newt". In her early scenes, that kid portrays a thousand-yard stare that so effective, it makes me suspicious of what kind of prompting James Cameron had to do to get her to get her to look so real and truthful. All in all, the movie remains the best out of the whole Alien saga. It is so good that I refuse to consider the following movie installments as canon. Screw David Fincher and Jean-Pierre Jeunet. In my mind, Aliens 3 and 4 do not exist until James Cameron directs them.

Almost Famous, 2000. Director: Cameron Crowe.

It's hard not to enjoy this movie. Sweet cast, good music and kinda wistful.

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At times it can get a bit schmaltzy, but in the end, the schmaltz works. Has one of my favourite bits of movie dialogue:

Lester Bangs: What, are you like the star of your school?
William Miller: They hate me.
Lester Bangs: You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

also:

Lester Bangs: Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.
William Miller: Well, it was fun.
Lester Bangs: They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.
William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.
Lester Bangs: That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.
William Miller: I can really see that now.
Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
William Miller: Me too!
Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world if what we share with someone else when we're uncool.

I truly wished I had someone to tell me stuff like this when I was in high school. It would have saved me so much useless angst.

Next movies:
[The] Aviator
Before Sunrise
Before Sunset

Announcing.., yet another blog.

2008-04-21T21:50:00.001-04:00

Just a quick post here...

Feel free to visit our new blog: The Adventures of Ninja Baby http://www.ninja-baby.blogspot.com/.

Plain old Greed.

2008-04-15T20:11:00.004-04:00

There Will Be Blood, directed by Paul Thomas Anderson

The reason I'm writing this blog is because my friend Grant wrote a review on it on his Facebook page, and I want to "one-up" him. How funny is it that the movie we both saw together, and both decided to comment on is about a man who's over-weening sense of pride, competition and greed eventually leads to his total moral destruction. I would say would propose that this is somewhat ironic, except, I really don't know what the literal meaning of "irony" is. I think I'll look it up...

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There has been enough ink spilled over the greatness of this movie to replenish a southern Californian oil field, and really you're not going to hear much different here. I would dare say this film is my generations The Godfather. Friggin' awesome.

This is the fourth movie I've watched in as many weeks that has greed as a story central element. Wall Street, Goodfellas, Casino and There Will Be Blood are pretty damn apt representations of the effect that greed has exhibited on human culture within my lifetime. From junk bonds to asset-backed credits, from the Savings & Loan scandal to the sub-prime mortgage meltdown, from Gordon Gekko, Henry Hill, "Ace" Rothstein, to Daniel Plainview, therein lies anything that everyone ever needs to know about the ultimate effects of greed.

In There Will Be Blood, Daniel Plainfield (as played by Daniel Day-Lewis) stakes out oil claims in early 1900's Southern California with his son, H.W. Plainfield, in tow.

But I think the key relationship in this movie, the overriding relationship that decides the fate of all characters, is the relationship between the elder Plainfield to his symbolic son Eli Sunday (as played by Paul Dano).

Both men could be kin. Both are driven by an overriding desire to acquire power, both exhibit a sense of contempt for other humans, both are unlikable human beings, but yet both have charisma powerful enough to attract others and the ability to bend their followers to their desires.

The one thing that separates them is that Daniel Plainview is self-aware. He knows he's a bastard, readily admits it, and struggles against every societal convention that forces him to pretend otherwise. Eli, on the other hand, does not even have the virtue of self-awareness. He's an opportunist who hides behind his theatre of faith. Plainview regards him with specific contempt. From his point of view, Eli builds his fortune by fleecing his flock, while trying to milk money and power from Daniel's fortune. A fortune that was built when Daniel, after a mining accident that resulted in a shattered knee, crawled on his back across miles of desert to the closest land registration office stake his first claim on an oil well.

The ultimate confrontation between these two characters is what makes this movie great. I will not even begin to spoil a climax that the movie builds with such masterful tension. I just recommend you watch There Will Be Blood, right away.

And take that Grant...

All Time Best TV Shows.

2008-03-28T20:17:00.008-04:00

In a blatant rip-off of my blog (heh...), Empire Magazine issued its list for the Top 50 TV shows (link here). Here is my knee jerk reaction to the list.

50. Quantum Leap

No... nope. Don't like how this list started. Give me a "Flintstones" right here.

49. Prison Break

Never watched it.

48. Veronica Mars

Awsome show. Awsome writing and one of the best casts on TV. Much too smart for prime time.

I would have loved to have seen "Veronica Mars, F.B.I".

47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Didn't like it.

46. Sex and the City

Liked it up until the season before the final season. It started off original but ended formulaic. I didn't like how the series wrapped up and the final episode was awful. Still I watched it to the very end. High points: Sarah Jessica Parker/Alanis Morisette lesbian lip-lock and any time Mirana had on screen sex. Yowza!

45. Farscape

Never watched it.

44. Cracker

Never watched it.

43. Star Trek

Awful drivel. Really don't like it.

42. Only Fools and Horses

Never watched it.

41. Band of Brothers

Technically this was a mini-series, but it was a tremendous piece of work. Teresa and I just recently enjoyed watching our DVD copy. The actors on this show deserve much more work than they are currently getting.

40. Life On Mars

Never watched it.

39. Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Revolutionary, strange and absurd in it's time.

Deserves higher honors except for the fact that the marketing of Monty Python has achived completely disgusting levels of selling out.

38. Curb Your Enthusiasm

Never watched it.

37. Star Trek: The Next Generation

Probably the best of all the iterations of Star Trek, but really, after "Firefly", all other space shows pale.

36. Father Ted

The show when they were competing in a song writing contest is a classic. Steve's been after me to get more into this show.

35. Alias

Never watched it, but it's on Zip List.

34. Frasier
Crap.

33. CSI

Fucking crap.

32. Babylon 5

Blech!

31. Deadwood

Never watched it. I should Zip List this baby....

30. Dexter

Good show. Really, really creepy.

Watched the first three episodes and like it so far.

29. ER

Great, up until Anthony Edwards left. The show gets props for hiring the Indian girl from "Bend it Like Beckham" and dude who plays Malarky from "Band of Brothers" as regular cast members.

28. Fawlty Towers

Never watched it before. Probably never will...

27. Six Feet Under

Hand down one of the best, most-real, shows on TV. Damn near perfect acting, writing, production, cameras, sets, props.... a real work of art!

26. Red Dwarf

Amusing.

25. Futurama

Don't like it.

24. Twin Peaks

Overrated.

23. The Office

The British version is brilliant.

22. The Shield

Never watched it. Maybe I will if Ngai lets me borrow his copies.

21. Angel

All around good TV show. The season with Conner and Jasmine was not the best, but not as bad as everyone thinks it is. I miss it... lots...

20. Blackadder

Amusing.

19. Scrubs

Eh... not really that interested...

18. Arrested Development

Funny, funny show.

17. South Park

These guys never lost it. The show still rocks.

16. Doctor Who

Probably will never, ever watch it (sorry Sarah).

15. Heroes

Bleh...

14. Firefly

Sing it with me:

Take my love,
Take my land,
Take me where I cannot stand.

I don't care,
I'm still free.
You can't take the sky from me!

Take me out into the black,
Tell 'em I ain't coming back,

Burn the land,
Boil the sea,
You can't take the sky from me!

Have no place I could be
since I've found "Serenity"
You can't take the sky from me...

Long live the Browncoats!

13. Battlestar Galactica

Definately on the Zip List.

12. Family Guy

Smart, funny...

11. Seinfeld

Isn't quite the same after the whole Michael Richards thing...

heh... heh...

10. SPACED

Never watched it.

9. THE X-FILES

Not my thing.

8. THE WIRE

Hope Ngai lets me borrow his DVD's.

7. FRIENDS

I know a lot of people like this show, and I did too, but really... There's way more ethnic people in New York. Where are the black, asians and hispanics. This was the Whitest show in Whitevania.

6. 24

Kiefer Sutherland is an arrogant blowhard. Man I hate that guy!

For contrast...

5. LOST

For Teresa's sake, I'll give this show another chance...

4. THE WEST WING

Teresa really liked it. I'm a fan of Aaron Sorkin, but after a while, the writing started to get formulaic and boring.

3. THE SOPRANOS

First four seasons were great TV.

The last two... genius...

2. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Ah, Buffy... Seven of the best seasons in TV history.

1. THE SIMPSONS

Pretty good, but not as good as the "Flintstones". Skooodely-wah-waaaaahhh.

The Color of Money

2008-03-08T22:55:00.010-05:00

In most discussions of Martin Scorsese's canon, The Color of Money (1986) is often peripherally mentioned, as if the movie does not deserve the same respect granted to other Scorsese movies, such as Mean Streets, Goodfellas and the Oscar-winning The Departed. Martin Scorsese himself admits that the movie, a pairing of veteran Hollywood icon Paul Newman with the new superstar-in-the-making Tom Cruise, was made on the quick to finance his real passion project, The Last Temptation of Christ.

Still, I feel that The Color of Money is an admirable movie, an underrated but truly satisfying tale. I feel it deserves discussion, and should be defended a wonderful film in it's own right.

In The Color of Money, Paul Newman reprises the role of "Fast" Eddie Felson, the pool player from 1961's The Hustler. Yet, I think it would be wrong to consider the Scorsese's movie a sequel. It's too original, it stands firmly in its own shoes. To me, The Color of Money feels much like the continuation of a late night discussion with a good friend about great modern movies. It reminds me of that "after midnight, tired but too jazzed to go to sleep" feeling one gets while sitting in a 24-hr diner at 2:00 in the morning with a group of good friends, after spending all of Saturday night partying. The movie has it's own distinct energy.

As the movie begins we see that "Fast" Eddie Felson has long since quit playing pool, and has become a successful liquor salesman. His business keeps him in close periphery to pool playing, and every once-in-a-while, he acts as a stakehorse to the next breed of young pool hustlers. But, one of his players loses to Vincent, played by Tom Cruise. Vincent, at first, seems more interested in playing an arcade video game that 9-ball. But soon Eddie realizes that Vincent is a gifted natural, and is bemused and somewhat shocked when Vincent offers the broke, busted and humiliated pool hustler $20 to keep playing.

Eddie takes Vincent, and his girlfriend/handler Carmen (played beautifully by Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) to dinner and offers them a deal. Eddie will stakehorse Vincent for six weeks on the road, in anticipation of a big-money 9-ball tournament in Atlantic City. For 60% of the winnings he will teach both Vincent and Carmen the in's and out's of pool hustling. The rest of the movie deals with the formation of a tense relationship between these three characters, and the betrayal and redemption of "Fast" Eddie Felson.

The move contains many enjoyable elements. It is a movie of its time. You can quickly tell that this is a movie made in the mid-80's, much like how you can tell Cool Hand Luke was definitely made in the 60's. But, the movie manages to maintain a certain integrity, and resists feeling dated, unlike earlier Tom Cruise vehicles like Risky Business, Top Gun and Taps. Also this movie can be seen as a ceremonial changing of guard between the veteran Hollywood icon and the younger, upstart but talented superstar.

But the best element about the film is how the character arcs of the two leads, cross and mirror each other. At the beginning of the film, Eddie is a jaded cynic, in counterpoint to Vincent's naive cockiness. While Vincent is willing to pay out cash just to entice people to play him, Eddie sees pool (and Vincent) as a means to an end. "Money won is ten times as sweet as money earned," Eddie preaches to his new but wayward apostle, and the veteran tries to steer the acolyte beyond nickle and dime hustles into big time cash, being sure to charge his 60% no matter the size of the pot.

Somewhere in the middle of the film, Eddie realizes to his horror that he's hustling himself as much as he's hustling Vincent. Eddie realizes that what attracts him to Vincent is not the kid's money-making potential. It's the kids talent. Scary, natural talent that younger "Fast" Eddie once had, but old Eddie has lost. Eddie wants to be the kid's equal, he want his game back. After falling for a con perpetrated by Forest Whitaker (in a great cameo), Eddie unceremoniously ditches Carmen and Vincent and begins his own quest to get regain his skills.

Eventually, Eddie earns his place in the Atlantic City tournament, and re-encounters Vincent and Carmen. The once cocky, naive kid is gone, innocence burned away by Eddie's betrayal. This new Vincent is calculating and ruthless. He no longer plays for the enjoyment of the game, he plays for cold hard cash, eventually dumping a game against his former teacher in order to increase the odds on the bets played on the backroom games. Eddie though discovers that his earlier cynicism was a mask, and his "play for cash" ethic was an elaborate self-con. Eddie rediscovers the love for the game, no, rather the love of the win. Eddie learns what the more innocent Vincent knew from the start. Money is just a symbol for the win, it's the win that always motivated Vincent, and it's that lasting, haunting whiff of the win that kept Eddie hanging around bars and pool halls. To be The Winner, Eddie has to beat the best player, and his redemption lies in Vincent's willingness to grant his former teacher his best game.

The movie offers much for a film lover. One could write a book on the sheer gravity-defying pompadour that Vincent wears throughout the film. Scorsese's use of Warren Zevon's song Werewolves of London as Vincent plays pool is a near perfect synthesis of a music and visuals. It is as iconic as the "ear scene" in Reservoir Dogs (Stuck in the Middle With You, Steelers Wheel), or the opening credit sequence for Trainspotting (Lust for Life, Iggy Pop).

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Character actors should study Bill Cobbs's role as Orvis as a primer on how, with just one look, one can steal a scene from a burgeoning superstar. I haven't even begun to sing the praises for Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, and the strength and subtle vulnerability she brings to the role of Carmen. This movie is too full of riches just to be cast off as momentarily blip along Scorsese's road to Oscar glory.

Buffy Blogcast #4 - Long Way Home (Conclusion)

2008-03-08T16:57:00.011-05:00

Once upon a time, some dude named Warren shot Willow Rosenberg's true love to death. The trauma caused Willow to turn really, really evil. She magically skinned Warren, while he still was alive, and then attempted to destroy the world.

Willow has since been rehabilitated, and everyone thought Warren was dead. Turns out, not only is he alive (aided by magical first aid provided by Amy the Witch), he's holding a bit of a grudge.

Meanwhile, Buffy and new Slayer, Satsu attempt to save Willow from vivisection. But first, they trade lip gloss. Cinnamon...

Then they battle the soldiers who are holding Willow hostage.

As, Buffy and Satsu breach the autopsy lab, Warren and Amy teleport away.

And Willow is... fine.

Magician, heal thyself.

Buffy notices that the military complex has a holding cell numbered "30". This reminds her of her dream of Ethan Rayne imprisoned within the roman numeral "XXX" (see last issue).

She finds Ethan Rayne. Murdered.

The killer, General Voll takes a shot at Buffy.

She notices the mark on his chest. Twilight, he explains, is coming. In upgrading all the Potentials into full-fledged Slayers, Buffy and crew have upset the natural balance threatening the future of normal folks. Some humans have declared war on all demon kind, and considering the or gins of the Slayer power, that includes Buffy and all her mystical, magical friends.

Buffy's reply...?

Here endeth the tale.

Final Thoughts:

The Long Way Home arc reminded me of a typical first episode of a new season. First episodes tend to be a bit shaky compared to later episodes. The quality may not be quite up to the usual "Buffy" standards, but the potential for greatness is evident. Georges Jeanty's art work is quite good, but the writing is a bit stiffer than usual for Joss Whedon. Still, the characterizations are faithful to the well beloved TV series, and on the whole, we fans are happy that "Buffy" is back. The owners of the comic book store I patronize have often sold out of initial runs of the "Buffy" comics, and record sales numbers have been reported throughout the industry. Great start.

Buffy Blogcast #3 - Witch Fight!!!!

2008-03-06T22:25:00.014-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages!

In the right hand corner, wearing a tan jacket and blue jeans, straight from the centre of the crater formally known as "Sunnydale", the challenger, Amy the Witch! (Boooo!)

And in the left hand corner, wearing a green peasant dress, straight from a fan-boy's wet-dream, the cutest red-headed lesbian in the world, "Wicked" Willow Rosenberg! (YAY)

LET'S GET READY TO RUUUMMMBLLLE!

Oh yeah, baby! It's on like Donkey Kong.

Meanwhile... in Buffy's, "dreamspace", we meet up with an older, fey, Chaos-worshipping former chum of Giles last seen in Season 5.

And oh yeah, Buffy is reeeeealllly horny!

Back in Scotland. Willow is absorbing and transmuting Amy's spells, causing the dead Scottish zombies to waltz "Jane Austen style" instead of attacking the castle. In retaliation, Amy uses magic augmented with technology to wallop Willow. Willow turns slightly evil, and all may be lost. But Giant Dawn comes to Willow's rescue...

...and squishes Amy like a bug!

Back in Buffy's dreamspace: Ethan Rayne leaves a cryptic message for Buffy to help her find out where he's being kept.

Also he warns that "Twilight is falling...", whatever that means...

Back in Scotland, Willow tries to come up with a plan to wake Buffy.

She remembers Amy's past modus oporandi and realizes that they can break the sleeping spell with True Love's kiss. (Note: Remember, fans, back in Season 7 episode "The Killer In Me", Amy casts a similar spell on Willow. Tee hee!)

Buffy wakes: "Cinnamon Buns"

Meanwhile, Giles gets a message from a hostile demon that links the setting sun and star symbol to "Twilight is falling...", whatever that means...

Xander flirts with an injured Renee...

...thus dispelling the rumours that he and Buffy have hooked up (I attribute it to Buffy's constant mental state of horniness, a fantasy that never really happened).

Willow and Buffy try to question Amy about who ordered her to attack them. Amy responds by teleporting Willow to meet her "boyfriend" who turns out to be...

...Warren Mears!

Ugh!

Key Plot Points:

Buffy's dreamspace includes several notable images including: Faith, Joyce's body, Angel, the first day she met Giles, Graduation Day, Dawn, some of the Potentials and uh, Joss Whedon;

Willow temporarily turns evil from time to time;

Amy's magic is backed by technology, indicating either the military has augmented her power, or Warren (he of the sex androids and the invisible ray-gun) has;

Someone in the castle lurrrves Buffy, and it's a good chance is one of the new Slayers;

In a roomful of Slayers playing strip poker, Andrew is bored;

Renee and Xander are getting really chummy. Chances are looking good that she'll be either impaled by a piece of rebar, or she'll get bisected by a knife wielding demon in the near future;

Kennedy died for a month, was revived and is still dating Willow;

Warren back, baby, and he is gonna cut into Willow's head with a lobotomy saw! Yikes!

Just for fun, a little love for Alyson Hannigan, courtesy of the Onion.com

FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It2019s Alyson Hannigan

"The Push Man and Other Stories" and "Abandon the Old in Tokyo"

2008-02-28T16:41:00.009-05:00

If you're a fan of comics like "Ghost World", "Love and Rockets" or "Strangers in Paradise", chances are that you have Japan's Yoshihiro Tatsumi to thank. He is the originator of the gekiga ("dramatic picture") style of comic art that deals with more realistic, mature, and somewhat moody subject matter, as opposed to the escapist adolescent fantasies that makes up the more well know comic book fare. It has been said that Tatsumi's influence on modern comic books of the east is similar to Will Eisner's development of the term "graphic novel", to describe comics that relate more mature, realistic, subject matter. In short, both artists have not only broadened the technique applied to the comic arts, but also broadened the scope of the subject matter that could be covered by the medium.

Tatsumi started publishing his stories in the late 1950's, and his works were not published in North America until the late 1980's. But more and more of today's comic book artists are citing his influence on their modern works. The gekiga style is more prevalent than you think. The influence is shown in works by creators such as Kazuo Koike and Goski Kojima ("Lone Wolf and Cub"), Lynn Johnston ("For Better of For Worse"), Charles Burns ("Black Hole").

I found collections "The Push Man and Other Stories" and "Abandon the Old in Tokyo" in the graphics novel section of my local library, which is quickly becoming a much beloved source of entertainment. Tatusmi's works are compelling, but they are not easy reads because the subject matter is pretty explicit. His works focus on post-war Japan, on the isolating effects of increasing urbanization. The stories show how amid the sheer numbers of Japan's overpopulated cities, one can get lost in the miasma caused by just eking out a day to day living. His stories are sexual, but not titillating, violent but not gratuitous. His works are just plain undeniable.

I don't know if that is a recommendation or not. I'm just telling you what it is. It's up to you to decide whether you want to experience it or not.

In other comic book news...

It is exactly one year until the re lase of the movie version of Alan Moore's and Dave Gibbon's "Watchmen". To celebrate, Zack Snyder has released the following photos, showing the Watchmen in full costume.

Looks slick, baby! I think the costumes are phenomenal, and although not absolutely faithful to the graphic novel, I am impressed with the choices made to bring the characters to life. Hopefully the story holds up. I'm still holding out my reservations because Zack Snyder did wonderful thing with the visuals in the movie 300, but I think he crapped out on the acting and story.

...Yeah, But Can She Write An Environmental Assessment Report?

2008-02-26T20:31:00.003-05:00

Margaret Atwood thinks she's so friggin' smart,
because everyone thinks her writing is art.
The only thing I really know is,
she couldn't hack it in the environmental biz.

She likes to write futuristic, feminist plots,
that don't ever mention spaceships, laser guns or Asimov robots.
Now other readers may give her a pass,
but she must have been sick the day they taught science fiction in writing class.

To write a technical report you have to be precise,
and somehow make bad news seem nice.
And you have to make spurious lab data fit,
or else your Client is gonna lose his shit.

Today I wrote "Low dissolved oxygen content indicates the groundwater is oxic."
But MS Word kept spell correcting the word as "toxic".
Watch out! 'Cause one misplaced "t" could repeal,
A multi-million dollar land transaction deal!

So let's raise glass to the writers of environmental prose,
Because we all are truly life's un-sung hero's.
We may never win a Booker prize for writing the technical word,
but we should feel free to flip Margret Atwood the bird!

Buffy Blogcast #2: Is Buffy Sleeping with Xander?

2008-02-03T17:08:00.000-05:00

THE LONG WAY HOME: PART II

Synopsis:

We get re-acquainted with some old friends.

Giles, apparently, has re-started the Watcher's Council, only this time there's only one Watcher, but hundreds of Slayers-in-training.

Buffy is also busy training (trouncing) her squad at the Scotland HQ.

Andrew is busy with his Italian Slayer Squad.

And Giant Dawn takes a bath.

Meanwhile, General Voll is contemplating using tactical nukes as a method of dealing with the Slayers (and he's not even remotely joking). He also wears a "setting sun, rising star" scar much like the demon victims in issue #1.

Elsewhere, Buffy kisses Xander, making his head pop off.

We soon realize stuck in a dream induced state, the first wave of an attack instigated by Amy the Witch. The second wave involves....

...lots and lots of kilt-wearing zombies. I kid you not.

The Queen Slayer is down and out, zombies are invading the Castle HQ. One would lose all hope if not for the appearance of...

Willow, the Uber-witch. I smell a Wiccan Battle Royale!

Stay tuned for Issue #3!

Key Plot Points

Xander suspects Dawn made herself giant on purpose, perhaps to get Buffy's attention.
Andrew's appearance in the comic is too funny to summarize. Worth the price of the comic alone.
Depictions of Buffy's dreamspace is identified with black borders.
Did Buffy and Xander have a "friends-with-benefits" thing going on in the recent past, or is this just a part of Buffy's dream?
Which beg's the question: Why is Buffy dreaming about sexing Xander?
Amy announces that her spell on Buffy can only be broken with the Kiss of True Love. Seems that Amy prefers casting spells that require kisses to be broken (see Season 7 episode "The Killer In Me").
Xander's paramour, Renee, takes a zombie sword to the back.
Willow can fly!

Bedfellows

2008-02-01T23:31:00.000-05:00

I guess I can't complain that my bedroom is so crowded
'cause I don't know if I wanna do anything 'bout it.
When the clock hits ten o' clock and my wife turns in
it's an open invitation to some old time friends.

First I spend some time with a snow and blood-splattered lady
raised with vengence in her heart from the time she was a baby.
When somebody needs somebody killed, just pay 10,000 yen,
the lady unsheathes her sword and then the fun begins.

Or maybe I'll take a visit at the Boulder Free Zone,
and hang with Stu, Frannie, Glen, Nick and other friends I have known.
We'll commiserate about the plague. Oh how that summer was bad!
And we'll plot the downfall of that man Randall Flagg.

Or maybe a trip to Vegas? A room at the Sands would be keen.
Take in a Summit show with Joey, Peter, Sammy and Dean,
And oh yes! Mr. S! The vaunted Leader of the Pack.
One more scotch-on-the-rocks before I hit the sack.

I've met beggars, I've met queens, and people in between those stages.
We've been formally introduced between the turning of the pages.
I've met messianic humans raised on the Planet Mars.
I've broken bread with modern prophets, and spent time behind bars.

These people I have met, in my dreams I hear their voices,
as they rant, cheer, weep, and mutter agonizing over choices.
And as I put the books away, snuggle with my wife, feeling mellow,
I'm glad, and very grateful, that I have such strange bed fellows.

Aliens Vs. Predator: Race and Gender Politics in Horror

2008-01-29T19:16:00.000-05:00

In his 1981 book Danse Macabre, a treatise on the horror genre, Stephen King writes that horror stories hits us on two levels. There is the "on-top" level, where we are alternately trilled and grossed out by the gore. It's the exploitive pleasure, similar to rubber-necking a highway collision, and although we may be wracked by guilt, or bad-dreams... dammit we just can't help but look.

And then there is the "down-below" level, where the horror hits us in the deep dark places. For all our technological progress, North American society generally remains a tribe of Puritans, and we like to inhibit our psycho-sexual race consciousness as much as possible.

In other words, we like to keep things bottled-up. Much like Victorian Age Brits, we don't like to look too deeply at ourselves. Maybe this is why we generally feel like we're under so much pressure. The Apollonian outer image we present is sometimes at odds with the "down-below", truer Dionysian inner reality. Stephen King summarizes that the horror genre serves as a pressure valve to help us relieve that pressure every once in a while.

So what is it that we North Americans are so afraid of. Well, my friends, pull up an armchair, and sit with me as we (without benefit of degrees or training) psychoanalyze ourselves for a while. We shall begin by looking at the two most evocative horror villains of recent history: Aliens and Predators.

Gay Aliens From Outer Space

Ever look at an Alien? I mean really look at one. The Alien creature that was first introduced in 1979 in Ridley Scott's seminal science fiction masterpiece was designed by H.R. Giger. It's inspired by one of his earlier works, titled Necronom IV, reproduced here for your inspection:

I don't think that there's any overstating that the Alien (aka, "xenomorph" as it was called in James Cameron's sequel, Aliens) is essentially a seven foot bio mechanical penis. Let's also take a look at the key features in the creatures canonical lore:

it reproduces by forcing an ovipositor down your throat (note the creature design... Giger based it on human hands, spine, vagina and testicles);

after incubating inside a human host it "hatches" by forcing its phallic little body from inside your body;

it's blood is deadly acid.

Hmmm, a horror story about forced oral-genetic rape from a toothed phallus with deadly blood... made just around the same time the AIDS epidemic was becoming known. Story creators Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett knowingly including these elements in the creature design for the express purpose of scaring the crap out of the males who fit the general demographic markers of a horror movie audience. You see, there's nothing the red-blooded North American males loves more than his own dick, and nothing scares him more than having to take somebody else's dick.

All this is known. I mean this is not a secret. And this is not in itself what makes the Aliens franchise special. Really, what resonates with us is not the villain, it's the villain juxtaposed with the hero. The Alien wouldn't be as evocative if it wasn't for Ellen Ripley as played by Sigourney Weaver. It is notable that in a genre dominated by muscle men, all perish at the hands of the Alien except a woman.

In the original 1979 movie, one scene that masterfully (and somewhat exploitively) displays the character's savvyness and vulnerability. In the closing minutes of the movie, Ripley slowly becomes aware that the Alien that decimated her crew has stowed away on her escape space vessel. The only way to get rid of it is to blow it out the main hatch using depressurization in the vacuum of space. The only way she can survive that is to don a pressurized space suit. So slowly, carefully, Ripley doffs her crew uniform in the presence of the malevolent creature (why? who cares?) so and dons the space suit in time to save herself.

So here it is: gender politics writ large. Gay sex and heterosexual titillation. Our nasty little sexual secrets, the things we don't like to discuss in polite company. But when it's shown on the big screen, we can't get enough.

The Universal Zulu Nation

In the 1987 film, Predator, Arnold Schwarzenegger and a rag-tag bunch of mercenaries discover themselves in the South American jungle fighting a technically advanced, completely ruthless alien, who seems to be hunting humans and taking skulls and spines as trophies. The alien in question was designed by Stan Winston, based on a brief conversation with director James Cameron. (Coincidentally, Stan and James both had the opportunity to further the xenomorph design in Aliens.) James had the idea of the mandibles, but it was Stan who had the idea for the dreadlocks. And it's the dreadlocks I want to discuss, because of the statement it makes on the creature design, and the impact it has on the overall character traits.

The dreadlocks imply a race based on Caribbean/African cultures, a pastiche further reinforced by the tribal nature of the Predators. They are hunters and take trophies. They wear tribal markings and ornamentation on their flesh and armor. They are bred for strength and are physically larger, faster and stronger than humans. The weaponry they wield are based on spears, knives and bladed weapons. (Younger Predators are known to use guns and plasma blasters, but apparently according to canon, older, more experienced Predators look down upon that practice). The race is matriarchal, and employs rites of passages, the most well known being that only the most experienced of hunters make their way to Earth to hunt humans. Returning to the home planet with a human skull was a sign of great worth.

Does the Predator serve as a proxy for Earth based tribal warrior races? In my mind, I would consider it representative the most prevalent stereotypes of brown-skinned peoples. I find it an intriguing concept. Note, in the first movie Arnie mortally wounded the Predator creature, but did not kill it. It killed itself by activating its self-destruct mechanism, laughing all the way to the end of its life, satisfied that the Guv-nuh was denied credit for the final kill. In Predator 2, Danny Glover was the first human ever to fight and successfully kill a Predator. It is also notable that at the end of that movie, the Predator brethren recognize Mr. Glover's prowess by awarding him a Civil War era pistol, his very own trophy and a sign of grudging respect.

Requiem

Aliens and Predators have been around for over 20 years. The early movies from each franchise are significant, earning recognition from the esteemed American Film Institute. Later movies have provided diminishing creative returns. Based on the box office of the last two movies, combining the characters will continue to be financially profitable, although creatively limiting. Part of the reason is that the movies are not really scary anymore. They are not hitting our deep "down-below" spots as effectively.

Why? Maybe it's because we live in a society where gay folks can marry (at least up here in Canadaland... we love ya!), and a Black man is running a legitimate campaign for Presidency. I thing though, it could be attributed to other reasons. We have other things to fear.

What do we fear now? Let's look at today's horror movies. The Saw franchise doesn't quit, and ushered in a new genre called "torture-porn". In the movies I Am Legend and Cloverfield, we are destroying New York again and again, much like how Japan is always getting blown up by nuclear blasts in anime (seemingly strange for the only country attached with nuclear weapons).

In this, the Age of Terrorism, our fears have transmuted, and we have other things to bury deep down in the dark.

Review: The Year of Living Biblically, by A.J. Jacobs

2008-01-24T19:55:00.000-05:00

First a digression...

Jasper Johns, the American artist, has created this following sculpture (the title escapes me):

A good friend of mine had a debate over this an other similar pieces of modern art. The subject of this debate was: "Does this really count as art?" The debate we had about this sculpture, which was very similar to the internal debate I have about the Bible, went something like this:

NOT ART:
For all intents and purposes this is nothing more than a few paintbrushes stuck in a paint can and covered with some sort of shellac. Anyone could do this, therefore it doesn't deserve any merit. It's nothing special, except to a bunch of people are attributing a whole lot of meaning about something that is inherently meaningless.

IS ART:
The sculpture has hidden significance. It shows that one can find meaning and relevance in the simplest items. It invites us to look beyond the literal to see that extraordinary beauty can be found within the ordinary. There is something special about the piece and we have to actively engage to appreciate the technique and discover the art.

The debate between my friend and I was never settled. My internal debate about the Bible continues still. One one hand the Bible seems to be a collection of rules, some practical (like the thou shalt not murder thing) but a lot of archaic, outmoded rules. Whenever I've attempted to read the text, I've been baffled by the language, and thus it's hard for me to find meaning from the words. Even Proverbs, my favorite book of the Bible can be incoherent in parts. On the other hand many folks derive a lot of meaning from the text. They see beauty in the language and can feel that the words carry some deeper spiritual significance.

So my desire to experience deeper meaning while not having to go through the hard work of reading the Bible is reason why I picked up the A.J. Jacobs' most recent book, The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible.

A.J. Jacobs is a bit of a "stunt-writer". His last book detailed his exploits of the year he spent reading all 32 volumes of the Encyclopædia Britannica. He participated in an experiment inviting the Wikipedia community to edit one of his intentionally error-ridden articles. Personally, I think he's a bit crazy, but there's no denying that the man has impressive commitment. And you gotta admire his elan. A lot of people nowadays have been crowing about the literal word of God, but really, has anyone had the gumption to actually try living his or her live in accordance to Biblical rule? I mean the literal wording of each rule? Not just the Ten Commandments, mind you... the crazy ones too!

Jacobs did for one year. He didn't shave for a year because there is a rule in the book of Leviticus that bars a man from trimming the corners of his beard. He stoned an adulterer in Central Park. He didn't wear mixed fibres and wore fringes on his clothes. He sacrificed an animal. He wore white. He refrained from marrying his wife's sister (she doesn't have one, so that was easy).

During that year, Jacobs also met with men and women from many different faiths who claim to live the literal word of God, including Jewish rabbis, members of the Amish community, evangelical Christians, and folks the evangelicals considered way too conservative. It's a charming story, sometimes quite funny and refreshingly open-minded and even-handed. To be fair, I think the term "stunt-writing" might be a disservice to the author, because his motives were genuine. He, like the rest of us, is searching for meaning, and ultimately his journey may prove to be quite illuminating to all "people of faith" (or even to those "without faith"... Atheists, Agnostics, Scientologists and those of similar ilk).

SPOILER ALERT
At the end of the book, Jacobs come to realize two very significant points:

1) No one lives the literal word of God. People may claim they do, but they don't. They pick and choose like the rest of us.

2) Who says the Bible is the final word of God? For all we know, God has whispered in the ears of other writers, artists, musicians, dancers, mimes, TV producers... (okay, maybe not TV producers, because they are obviously Satan's lackeys).

These two points really resonate with me and I'm glad Jacobs had the balls to vet them, 'cause I certainly would not have done what he did.

God bless.

Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

2008-01-12T23:17:00.000-05:00

Quite often, when stand-up comedians write books, they are rarely auto-biographies. Rather, they are reprints of their most famous routines, which are enjoyable to read at first, but as the book ends, you realize you really haven't learned much about the subject. And quite frankly, there are very few comedians I would think would have the kind of self-awareness and integrity to write a proper, warts-and-all, autobiography. I mean, really who would want a fucking memoir by Carlos Mencia?

Funny, well-crafted, minimalist and absurd. If I had to describe Steve Martin's auto-biography, Born Standing Up, in one sentence... well.. there you go. My wife and I are fans of his novels Shopgirl and The Pleasure of My Own Company. We found that the best way to enjoy either of those books is via book-on-tape, read by the author.

It's strange that I am a Steve Martin fan, because I really don't enjoy his stand-up. I'm not from that era of comedy. I grew up in the Eddie Murphy Era. The Steve Martin Era of comedy is just slightly before my time.

On the other hand his movies, writing and TV show appearances are enjoyable. Generally, when I view, read or listen to a Steve Martin performance, I can trust it will be quality entertainment. It's obvious the man works hard at his craft, and takes is seriously. He is economical in his gestures. He can be surreal but still dances within the limits of comprehension. Also he's maintained a sense of integrity that his peers have somehow lost. For example, Billy Crytal started funny and charming, and ended up boorish and pompous. Monty Python started out unique and daring and now have sold out to a degree that cannot be justified even by their self-awareness. Steve Martin on the other hand just writes his books and makes his movies and I still remain a fan.

This is all to say that Born Standing Up is a great book and is a quite enjoyable read. As good as the book is, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the book-on-tape version, read by the author is probably the better purchase.

Buffy Blogcast - Issue 1 (In which we welcome old friends to a new medium)

2008-01-02T22:32:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of the Buffy Buffcast at www.geekshow.us and Scott Tipton's great Comics 101, I've decided to write my own Buffy 'blog. I will be providing a rundown of the new, highly coveted, best-selling canonical series of Buffy comics, colloquially known as "Buffy Season 8". And by full rundown I will be discussing the issue arcs in detail, which necessarily mean... spoilers.

In Defense of Spoilers: Spoilers often get a bad rap because many folks think they ruin climactic surprises. I've waited this long to write this 'blog in the hope that most Buffy fans have already read the first two comic arcs and are well familiar with the material. For the rest of you, maybe you're like my wife, Teresa, who loves Buffy, but is not a real comic book fan. Or maybe you're not a real big Buffy fan at all. Well, perhaps a blog like this is for you (well, not really, but read it anyways). Please, feel free to comment on this blog, but you are hereby forewarned that I will be discussing spoilers, so no whining! 'Kay? 'kay...

Buffy Season 8 - Episode 1, The Long Way Home, Part 1.

When last we left the Sunnydale gang, Sunnydale was no more. The town was completely destroyed in a climactic battle with the First Evil. The Watcher's Council was blow'ded-up, along centuries worth of information on the demon world. All seemed lost, but Buffy, with significant help from (sometimes evil) uberwitch, Willow, was able to activate all the Potentials into full fledged Slayers, with all the attendant superpowers. Thus the worldwide Slayer population grew from two to nearly two thousand. The Sunnydale Hellmouth was destroyed, taking the whole town with it. When the TV series ended, we Buffy fans wondered for years at the possibility of a world full of Slayers. Finally, Joss Whedon and Dark Horse Comics decided to show us that world.

That world kinda kicks ass!

The Long Way Home is first arc of Buffy Season 8, and it starts in classic Buffy style, with a fight. We quickly learn some info: Buffy and the Scoobies have started tracking down the new Slayers and have organized them into battle squads. Two of the new Slayers are impersonating Buffy, one in partying in Italy and the other "deep underground". Some say for security reasons, but really because Giles and Andrew think it's funny to mess with Angel and Spike (see Angel season 5 episode "The Girl In Question" to make sense of that remark).

Presumably, Buffy and the survivors of the destruction of the Sunnydale Hellmouth are the new battle squad leaders. Somehow, somewhere the gang have acquired some new technology, weaponry and hardware, and now fight demons on a global scale. Tactically, this makes sense, but unfortunately, the new Slayer organization looks like a collection of terrorist cells, especially to the US military. (I'm also not sure how they can now afford resources such as battle helicopters and body armor).

We gradually get updated on the activities some of the rest of the Scooby Gang. After taking a brief sabbatical to Africa to hunt down the history of the First Slayer, Xander now is Buffy's acting Watcher. He monitors the worldwide Slayer activities from a castle stronghold in Scotland, outfitted with the best technological and magical monitoring systems available. As busy as he is, he still has time to flirt with Renee, a new Slayer and analyst in the Scotland Ops Center.

The opening battle scene indicates that Buffy's squad of Slayers (Leah, Satsu and an un-named Slavic speaking girl I'll call "Greta") are generally effective, but are mostly inexperienced, as Buffy spends as much time worrying about their reactions to demons and dead bodies as she does fighting. One benefit to the comics medium is that the fight scenes can easily offer a more dynamic aspect as compared to the TV show, and the demons can be drawn larger and scarier (there's only so many times you can do "man-in-a-suit" demons).

Also, the comic is a bit more gorier than the TV show. Buffy's team defeats the demons, but human bodies are found on the scene, already dead and scarred with a strange star and rising sun symbol on their chests. As Buffy discusses this mystery with her team, she does not see the un-identified, booted person floating in the air, serenely keeping watch.

Cut to the former Sunnydale:

It seems that the US Military is investigating the remains of Buffy's home town. In a scene reminiscent of the movie Alien, the military team discovers something really gruesome living underground in the center of the Sunnydale/Hellmouth crater.

Cut back to Scotland:

After a post-battle briefing with Xander, Buffy checks in on Dawn. We notice that the relationship between Dawn and Buffy is terribly strained, a consequence that has been developing since the Sunnydale days. They hardly can speak to each other without drawing verbal barbs. Also complicating matters: Dawn in a giant, an affliction that is suggested to be a result of her "dating" a "thricewise" (which according to Whendoesque.com, refers to a giant of Norse mythology), in lieu of studying at Berkely. Dawn refuses to divulge to Buffy the events leading to her current state, preferring instead to speak with Willow (whereabouts currently unknown). The conversation between Dawn and Buffy is equal parts funny and sad.

Oh yeah, Buffy misses her mom, her friends, churros and sex.

Cut to a military complex where General Voll, the leader of the Sunnydale crater investigation team, is reacting with horror to something in a holding cell. Something unseen by the reader.

The General is briefed that two subjects were found in the crater ruins, and that Subject 1 was keeping Subject 2 (the unseen horror) alive after the Hellmouth went kaput. The military analysts think that Subjects 1 and 2 were fed on other Sunnydale survivors. General Voll is grossed out even further when it is revealed that Subject 2 is Subject 1's "boyfriend". He asks the analyst if the Subjects had the decency to go insane. No such luck. He answers, "Unstable, but surprisingly coherent."

As they make their way to another holding cell, the General is informed that Subject 1's first words to the investigation team were: "I'm gonna help you kill her." Presumably a reference to Buffy. Turn the page for the first big reveal of the series. Subject 1 is Amy Madison.

Here endeth the issue...

I for one was pleased to see Amy the Witch again, since I've always had a soft spot for that character for no other reason than I always thought the actress who portrayed her had a hot bod. Also Amy's been around since Buffy Season 1, Episode 2, so she's got history. The character of Subject 2 remains a mystery though. Could it be an old Big Bad?

So far, I'm impressed by the series artwork. Penciller Georges Jeanty has captured the key distinguishing characteristics of the main characters, but is not slavishly reproducing the expressions of the actors. Rather he's hitting the right tone of familiarity and embellishment. Story-wise, the first issue is promising. I've seen better comics scripting from Joss Whedon from his Astonishing X-Men series, but since this is the first issue of a lenghty overall arc, I am just plain happy he's writing Buffy again. Can't wait to see the fates of the other Scoobies.

Blogcast Contest
Oh yeah, I almost forgot! As the name of this 'blog will attest, I have trouble with titles. Therefore I'm holding a contest for a name for my regular 'blog on the Buffy Season 8 comics. Please send in suggestions to my email address "alikufogo at yahoo dot com". Submissions are due by Thursday, January 31, 2008. The winning entry will receive a free bagged and boarded copy of Astonishing X-Men Issue No. 23, penned by Joss Whedon and artwork by John Cassaday, so remember to include your mailing address in the entry.

Christmas Gift Wrap-Up - 2007

2008-01-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

As per Jenni's request, I will do a brief Christmas Gift Wrap-Up. I was happy to receive a great haul this year, starting with:

Games:

Jenni and Eric hooked us up with Puerto Rico, a really cool empire building game from Rio Grande Games. I've been playing with family and friends over the holidays and am really enjoying this game.

Books

Teresa surprised me with a copy of Miss Lou's Anancy book, which, upon receipt, I read aloud for about an hour straight. Gillian gave me Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere. Connie and Geoff also sent me a copy of Neverwhere, but they included a gift receipt, which I used (along with a Chapter's gift card) to get Steve Martin's autobiography, Born Standing Up.

Connie and Geoff rounded out the gift giving with a copy of The Dangerous Book for Boys (British Edition, yay!) and Cook's Illustrated's Grilling and Barbecue cookbook. Armed with more gift cards, I purchased myself a copy of Bruce Lee's Tao of Jeet Kune Do. I'm looking forward to some heavy reading this year!

Movies

My brother, Ngai, hooked me up with a copy of Superbad and Michel Gondry's first collection of music videos. Again, armed with gift cards, I treated myself to a few special picks including White Stripes's Under Blackpool Lights, Titanic (which Jenni has not viewed due to her irrational dislike of Leo Dicaprio from his Growing Pains days, tsk, tsk... silly Jenni...), Godfather II (a replacement of a previously lost copy) and Notting Hill (the only Hugh Grant rom-com I like enough to watch more than once).

The Special Gifts

Like I said, I got a nice haul this Christmas, but I received two truly special gifts. The first one is art from Ngai for my future "movie room". Ngai is the family artist and he made this piece for me, a collage of cool movie posters and variant one-sheets.

And Teresa got me a... sword!!! Yay!

A genuine katana! Plus, Paul showed us this cool colour isolating feature on our digicam, so my gifts look even cooler!

"Ex Machina" is actually pronounced "eh-cks mah-kin-ah": A Graphics Novel Guide for Jenni and Eric

2007-12-18T21:34:00.000-05:00

Ever suggest a movie/book/TV show to a friend, with full expectations that they'll love it as much as you do, and your friend doesn't like it? That happened to me twice this weekend with Jenni and Eric (Buffy and Superbad). I guess I should learn a lesson from that, and not make any more suggestions. Alas, my ego knows no bounds so I present a list of graphic novels that I'm abosolutely SURE, either Jenni or Eric will love as much as I do.

10) Ex Machina

Synopsis: Mitchell Hundred is a structural engineer who develops super powers after coming in contact with a mysterious alien artifact. What does he do with his new abilities? He runs for Mayor of New York City.

Suggested for (Jennie or Eric?): Eric.

Why?: Well, like the protagonist, Eric is a somewhat super fellow with political aspirations. He may well identify with the day-to-day challenges of a man who can fly as fast as a passenger jet, but is daunted by the bureaucracy involved with closing the Greatest City in the World down for a snowstorm.

9) Astonishing X-Men Vol. 3 - "Gifted", "Dangerous", "Torn" and "Unstoppable"

Synopsis: Written by Joss Whedon and drawn by John Cassaday, this is the highest quality X-book out on the market to date. It's also the X-book with the most publishing delays, but us fan-boys are still lining up to get them issues. This book still achieves high sales and even higher critical acclaim.

Suggested for: Jenni

Why?: Although not the absolute best of Joss Whedon's writing (the Buffy episode "Once More With Feeling" and the Firefly episode "Objects In Space" are granted that honour), it's a fantastic piece of work. Familiar X-characters are beautifully drawn, and the writing harkens back to the days when Chris Clearmont and Alan Davis were in charge of the franchise. Plus, Kitty Pryde is back! Hubba, hubba!

8) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier

Synopsis: The long awaited third installment of Alan Moore's and Kevin O'Neil's The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen series updates the timeline beyond the Victorian Era.

Suggested for: "Eh, Rick..."

Why?: For selfish reasons. My man, Eric borrowed the first two volumes of Leauge from me back in the day and apparently enjoyed them. The Black Dossier is not available in Canada, so I'm hoping he will buy the book and return the favour.

7) Identity Crisis

Synopsis: One of the most contraversial collections with a story line that shakes the foundations of the DC Universe. Identity Crisis explores the ramifications when the DC Heroes cross a fundemental ethical line.

Suggested for: Jenni

Why?: Jenni tends to be into less mainstream graphic novels. Identity Crisis is to comic books what Pulp Ficton is to movies: a mainstream work with indie sensibilities. Also, I think this would be an interesting counterpoint to Jenni's usual choices.

6) The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born

Synopsis: This retelling of Roland Deschain's early adventures was personally overseen by Stephen King and Robin Furth. A must-read for any Dark Tower fan.

Suggested for: "E-rector set"

Why?: Not only is the main story arc faithfully written and beautifully rendered (Jae Lee and Richard Isanove, 'nuff props!), the graphic novel features previously untold, secret tales that flesh out the world of the Dark Tower. For example, ever wonder where Rhea of the Cöos came from? Or how Eldred Jonas got his limp? Well, now you can find out!

5) From Hell

Synopsis: Alan Moore's and Eddie Campbell's haunting meditation on the identity and motives of Jack the Ripper.

Suggested for: Jenni

Why?: Actually, I don't really want to suggest this one for Jenni, it was just her turn. This book is pretty challenging, not because of the dense narrative, more because it's syle places us smack dab in the middle of ugly Victorian London at the end of the century. Think of this book as the movie Se7en without the uplifting ending.

4) Serenity: Those Left Behind

Synopsis: Takes place in Joss Whedon's 'verse, in between the events of Firefly the TV show and Serenity the movie.

Suggested for: "E-rock"

Why?: More Serenity is a good thing. (Chances are Eric read it already anyway).

3) V For Vendetta

Synopsis: A mysterious anarchist named "V" works to destroy the totalitarian government who controls a dystopian future.

Suggested for: Jenni

Why?: Features big words like "anarchist", "totalitarian" and "dystopian", that only smart folks like Jenni truly understand. Also, it's better to read the graphic novel before watching the somewhat passable but mostly uninspiring movie version.

2) Planet Hulk

Synopsis: For some reason people insist on pissing Hulk off. The Hulk is tricked by a bunch of people who really should have known better, and finds himself exiled to another, unihabitated planet. Due to an "unforseen navigational error", he instead finds himself on a real craphole, war-torn planet in a weakened state and on the wrong side of a set of slave manacles. Eventually.... HULK SMASH!!!

Suggested for: "E-rotic massage"

Why?: Why not? Sure graphic novels can be lit'ry and profound, but sometime you just wanna see HULK SMASH!!!

1) Lost Girls

Synopsis: Graphic novel depicting the sexual adventures of three important female fictional characters of the late 19th and early 20th Century, namely Alice from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz, and Wendy Darling from Peter Pan.

Suggested for: Both Jenni and Eric

Why?: Pure, unadulterated porn. To be read together in bed after the little one is asleep.

Ta ta!

Mr. TWIT's All Time Best Web-Entertainment of 2007

2007-12-07T22:27:00.000-05:00

In anticipation of the plethora of Top Ten lists that accompany each new year, Mr. TWIT has decided, not only to blog in the 3rd person, but to present his list of All Time Best Instances of Web-Entertainment for 2007. Keep in mind that Mr. TWIT does not have cable television, and aside from Food TV, does not really miss it, so his only source of entertainment (other than having sexual relations with Mrs. TWIT every once in a while) is the Internet.

10) Smodcast

Click this link to find Kevin Smith's and pal, Scott Mosier's weekly lewd, uneducated and misinformed discussions on pop culture. The current highlight of this podcast series is Episode 15, where they show their complete ignorance and lack of respect for Hellen Keller (although the one where a Canadian guest star can't remember the name of his Prime Minister is pretty damn hilarious too!).

9)"Shoe's" by Kelly

My friend Grant turned me on to this one. Friggin Hilarious.

8) Jamie Fox completely embarrasing this really bad comic named Doug Williams.

The only thing more painful than bombing on stage, is having Jamie Fox call you on it.

7) Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager

What if Darth Vader had a younger brother named Chad, who was responsible for running the day shift at a grocery store? Hmmmm... perhaps it would look something... like this...

6) Dan Savage's Savage Lovecast

It's like "Talk Sex with Dr. Sue" except with really foul language, and a gay guy instead of Dr. Sue. Am I the only one who thinks if Sex Education was replaced by this podcast, we would have a lot more sexually responsible kids? Yeah.... probably...

5) Kanye West's "Throw Some D's" Remix

You may notice a foul language trend in all my choices so far. That's what makes the web so cool, and why cable TV sucks. Props for Kanye, who unlike other rappers who threw some D's(rims) on a car, decided that there's a whole 'nother creative way of throwing D's.

4) David O. Russell freaking out on Lily Tomlin on the set of I Y Huckabees.

Man this video makes me cringe.

David O. Russell has had a very well known reputation for being an a-hole. Celebrities like George Clooney, Dustin Hoffman, and Batman Begins director Christopher Nolan have all had thier run-ins with this guy.

The running theory on this guy is that his behaviour is a deliberate attempt to keep his sets raw and emotionally charged to get better performances from his actors. Lily Tomlin is on the record for tacitly defending his behaviour by saying:

"I'd rather have someone human and available and raw and open. Don't give me someone cold, or cut off, or someone who considers themselves dignified."

Maybe there's a small element of truth to that, but really, after watching Three Kings, I'd have to say that the results are not worth the torture.

3)Filipino Jail Inmates re-enact "Thriller"

It's been 25 years, but that Thriller album still moves people!

2)The Message at ThisJustIn.com

With the Chapelle Show cancelled, where can we go to find racially charged sketch comedy? Right here, of course! The folks at the Message may not be 100% funny 100% of the time, but they do have some great sketches.

1)Clark and Michael

I've been trying to get people hooked on this web series, but the only other person who thinks it's funny is Sara K, one of my Facebook friends. It's like the bastard step-child of the British Office and Mr. Show with Bob and David. It's too damn funny to pass up my friends!

BONUS CLIP

Hindu Prayer in the Senate, featuring the Dramatic Hamster

ANOTHER BONUS CLIP

I just couldn't resist.

Mr. TWIT gives advice

2007-11-22T21:43:00.001-05:00

A reader wrote:

Mr. Twit,

Planet Terror, one of my current favorites......yet I am concerned. While discussing with an acquaintance, I was accused of supporting gratuitous violence and cinema of no value or redeeming social quality. Mr. Twit, please reassure me that movies can still be enjoyable just because they are enjoyable....I mean heck.....it was a ZOMBIE movie, not a treatise on some social more or a documentary on some obscure psychological phenomena. Say it ain't so Mr. Twit!!!

Signed,
Overweight, Past Middle Aged, White Woman

Dear OPMAWW,

Your friend is not only a whiny bore, he or she is probably very sexually repressed, plain and simple. Plus your friend has a really messed up sense of scale. Consider the seven bucks you spent on renting Planet Terror versus the millions of dollars spent to blow up the World Trade Center, or the billions spent on the Iraq War. When it comes to supporting gratuitous violence I think those latter examples bother me way more than a friggin movie.

There's nothing wrong with you enjoying a trashy, ultra-violent, utterly charming piece of crapola like Planet Terror. (Speaking of charming, how friggin cool was that faux-trailer for Machete?)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and if your friend just can't see the beauty of a one-legged woman shooting a zombie-rapist in the crotch with a M-60 machine gun modified to fit on her semi-healed amputation stump, you really can't fault your friend for that. You can only pity him/her. (I have a five dollar bet with my wife that your friend was a "her". Please confirm in the comments section.)

Could you imagine if every movie had to contain Redeeming Social Value? How sucky would that be? I mean I can fully enjoy Munich, but after a while a steady diet of that crap gives me a friggin headache. I need palette cleanser movies like Big Trouble in Little China.

It requires very little thought or contemplation. It helps ease the mind and makes the world a little bit less sucky. I love existential dread as much as Ingmar Bergman, but a little bit of John Carpenter shoot-'em-up ain't so bad.

Plus, your friend is absolutely wrong in claiming that Planet Terror has no Redeeming Social Value. The movie was made by Robert Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios, a company that provides employment opportunities by many Latino-American's, who are a generally under-represented in the movie industry. Name me another studio that would feature a great actor like Freddy Rodriquez as a bad-ass action hero? Plus the sheer logistics of producing Planet Terror is worthy of study. Many bloated, over-produced, big-budget, "socially redeemable" films would do well to emulate the efficient planning required to put together Planet Terror given it's relatively low-budget. Every bit of cash budgeted to make that film was put directly on the screen (The production could not afford hiring Bruce Willis for an extended period of time, thus they filmed all his shots in one day. That way the money usually required to rent a honey-wagon trailer for Mr. Willis was used to directly produce the movie.) I guess you can present such facts to refute your friend's claims that Planet Terror has no value, but why bother? Save yourself all that trouble, ditch your "friend" and make a new, much cooler, way more fun friend, sans the stick-up-the-ass.

Yours truly,

Mr. TWIT

Who Watches the Watchmen

2007-11-16T08:31:00.001-05:00

Me, that's who.

Yep, I'm going to be one of the first guys to go see the movie adaptation of The Watchmen (directed by Zack Snyder of 300) on opening weekend some time in 2009. And you know what? It's going to suck. Even if its a decent and enjoyable, it will suck multitudes when compared to the original comic.

Why, you ask? Because even at their best movies based on comic books and graphic novels are limited by the media of film itself. Not so much the visuals, because the Spiderman, X-Men, Blade, Sin City and even 300 show that you can present a visually dynamic, somewhat faithful representation of our favourite comic book hero's as depicted in comic book panels. But these same movies also show how the stories we comic book fans know and love often suffer under the strict time limits of the typical Hollywood blockbuster.

Perhaps the reason why the Spiderman, X-Men and Blade franchises suffer the least in the comic-book-to-movie transition is because these stories are entrenched in popular culture, thus screenwriters and movie audiences have a familiarity with the respective mythologies. Screenwriters can employ a kind of short-hand approach to depicting character origins, and audiences are more willing to accept a cursory review of the salient backstory points (for Blade, the overall vampire mythology serves as the short-hand, but still the first movie of the franchise, the origin tale, is an unsatisfactory movie as compared to Blade II).

Now, for a graphic novel like The Watchmen, the characters are not as well known in general popular culture, even though they are revered within the culture of the comic book world. Screen writers cannot employ a short-hand approach, rather, to do the characters justice, each one requires a significant introduction and development. Additionally, The Watchmen is a dense, complicated story, employing many literary tropes, including an arresting narrative-within-a-narrative (i.e., Tales of the Black Freighter) to counterpoint the main storyline. This is a lot to fit into a 2 to 2.5 hour summer blockbuster movie and the typical movie audience won't stand for the more leisurely pace required to do the original graphic novel justice.

Also, The Watchmen graphic novel is designed to explore the full dimensions of the comic medium. Both text and visuals work together to fully examine the universe depicted within it's pages. It is a unique structure, made especial for the comic medium. Sadly, the story won't be nearly as effective as a movie.

If I had my druthers, I would love to see The Watchmen adapted as an HBO mini-series. The best way to recreate the world of the graphic novel would be in a multi-episode format with the high visual and storytelling quality often afforded to HBO productions. And since I'm just plain daydreaming, I decided to present my casting choices for the non-existent HBO mini-series and compare them to the current cast of the The Watchmen movie currently under production. Here we go:

1) Nite Owl/Dan Dreiberg

Official Cast: Patrick Wilson

Mr. TWIT's Cast: Damien Lewis

I love Patrick Wilson's work in Angels in America, Hard Candy and Little Children, but I don't see him as the Nite Owl.

I can totally buy Band of Brothers's Damien Lewis as Dan Dreiberg, flabby, introverted, impotent, ornithologist by day, who in his Nite Owl persona, becomes a confident, dashing, dangerous crime fighter by night. He could totally play all the complex, psycho-sexual repression that so informs the character. And it would greatly make up for the fiasco that was Dreamcatcher.

2) Silk Spectre/Laurie Juspeczyk

Official Cast: Malin Ackerman

Mr. TWIT's Cast: Michelle Monaghan

Don't know much about Malin Ackerman. I saw her on a couple episodes of Entourage, and I know she was in the last Ben Stiller/Farrelly Bros. movie. She's obviously beautiful, but she didn't impress me much. Her The Heartbreak Kid co-star, Michelle Monaghan is my casting choice. She blew me out of the water in this years Gone Baby Gone. In the graphic novel, Laurie Juspeczyk is more than just a hot chick. The character is central to a major plot revelation, and it requires an actor of some weight to carry the drama of it. Michelle Monaghan definitely has the chops (plus she would look great fighting crime in a see-through negligee).

3)Rorschach

Official Cast: Jackie Earle Haley

Try as I might I can't argue with this choice. In Little Children, Jackie Earle Haley was able to play a child molester who's equally repulsive and sympathetic, which is no mean feat. I think he would make a great Rorschach. If I was forced to re-cast the role, I'd choose Leland Orser, best know as the sex-shop patron in Se7en.

4) Ozymandias/Adrian Veidt

Official Cast: Matthew Goode

Mr. TWIT's Cast: Patrick Wilson

I can totally buy Patrick Wilson as Adrian Veidt, the Smartest Man In The World. He looks almost exactly like Dave Gibbons's depiction of Ozymandias. On the other hand, I don't know Matthew Goode and don't really care to.

5) Dr. Manhattan/John Osterman

Official Cast: Billy Crudup

Mr. TWIT's Cast: Neal McDonough

Nothing in Billy Crudup's past repertoire leads me to think of him as Dr. Manhattan, the World's First Superman. That doesn't mean he couldn't do a good job portraying the character, because he is a good actor and acquits himself well in movies like Almost Famous. But personally, I'm not a big fan. For the role I would choose another Band of Brothers vet, Neal McDonough. I am a huge fan of his, and although I think he's slumming it in TV land right now, he would make a superb addition to the Watchmen cast. His "all-American" looks would serve well in the role of the human John Osterman, and would be a very tragic counter-point to Dr. Manhattan's ever-growing lack of humanity.

6) The Comedian/Edward Blake.

Official Cast: Jeffery Dean Morgan

Mr. TWIT's Choice: Clancy Brown

Again, don't know much about Mr. J.D. Morgan to offer an opinion of if he fits the role or not. What I do know is Clancy Brown is one of the best character actors around, and at his age, he would make a more believable choice for the Comedian. Clancy is famous for his bad guy roles in moves like The Shawshank Redemption, The Highlander, and Carnivale, but it's his funny, sympathetic role in the HBO movie Normal that leads me to think he would make a great Comedian. A funny and sympathetic bad guy is much more real and scary than a cardboard cut-out villain.

I think that if there is a common critque of my cast choices is that the actors are fairly old for the typical summer action movie. But I think the point I'm trying to make is that the problem with adapting Alan Moore graphic novels is that they are not summer blockbuster fodder. Look at the relatively unsatisfactory cinematic results of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell and V: For Vendetta (as compared to the source graphic novels), and you may agree that an HBO mini-series would be a better forum for a screen adaptation of Alan Moore's work. Still, I don't think there is a better form of media for his stories than the original graphic novels.

Mr. TWIT's Christmas List

2007-11-14T18:40:00.000-05:00

I'm currently out of blog ideas so in the spirit of the Season of Giving, here's what I want you to give me (in no particular order):

1) A nice sweater from the Gap or Old Navy. Suitable for work but a little funky. (Size XL)

2) A new white button down dress shirt (Size 17 1/2)

3) A new dress tie (classy with minimal patterns, navy blue silk would be nice)

4) Hand knitted socks

5) A new stuffed toy, preferrably one that "speaks" (not "squeaks")when you squeeze it. (This one is for my dog, Keeper. His Mr. Froggy "Ribbit, ribbit" died on him this week.)

6) HMV/Future Shop/Best Buy gift certificates

6) Grindhouse Special Edition DVD (apparently this one won't be released until early next year so a gift certificate would come in handy)

7) "Neverwhere" by Neil Gaiman, paperback novel.

8) Katana 25 II (code kt25ii) from www.kriscutlery.com

9) The Watchmen movie teaser poster by Dave Gibbons

10) "Anancy and Miss Lou", by Honorable Louise Bennet-Coverly (This book is really hard to find. May be able to order a copy from A Different Booklist in Toronto http://www.adifferentbooklist.com/story.html)

11) "Selected Poems", Lousie Bennet (this book is even harder to find)

12) "Bum Rush the Page: A Def Poetry Jam" Tony Medina and Louis Reyes Rivera

13) "The Dangerous Book for Boys" by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden (I would prefer the UK edition, please)

14) "The SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, In any Climate, on Land or Sea" by John "Lofty" Wiseman

15) "The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook" by the Editor's of Cooking Illustrated

Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Lines

2007-11-05T15:46:00.000-05:00

October was a great movie month for me. I saw/rented a lot of great flicks. Rather than bore you with a detailed review of each, I've decided to provide a one sentence review of the movie in the form of a revised tag line

1) Planet Terror

Official Tag Line:
"Fully Loaded!"

Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Half-naked chicks, bad-ass dudes, flesh-eating zombies and a dude who collects testicles in a ziplock bag... Truly, the 'feel-good' movie of the year!"

Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ***1/2

2) Gone Baby Gone

Official Tag Line:
"Everyone Wants The Truth... Until They Find It."

Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Come to Boston... get kidnapped by hairlipped pedophiles!"

Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ****

3) Breach

Official Tag Line:
"How one man betrayed the security of a nation."

Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Watch Chris Cooper and Laura Linney compete in the 'Who's more scary' contest! If they mated, their baby would be just like that British chef who yells at people."

Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars) : ***

4) Little Children

Official Tag Line:
"Let the little children come onto me."

Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Wow, man... white people sure are creepy..."

Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ***

5) Transformers

Official Tag Line:
"Thier war. Our world."

Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"How can a movie look this great and suck so bad at the same time?"

Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): **1/2

PS: I'm totally super excited about the Joss Whedon/Eliza Dusku TV Show. Tim Minear is also involved, so great! To bad it's on Fox. (they're gonna cancel after the first show) Can't we just give Joss Whedon his own network already?

Dubledore is Gay

2007-10-22T19:25:00.000-04:00

The latest Harry Potter buzz is that over the weekend, at some Q & A, J.K. Rowling related that she always thought of Professor Dumbledore as being gay. I don't have a lot of time to comment on this, so to summarize, I'm fine with it. I love the idea of a gay Dumbledore! That's it really. No other comment required.

I just want to take the opportunity to predict the irrational religous shitstorm that with rage over this non-item. For those of you who think this is a problem please remember one key fact: Dumbledore doesn't exist, therefore there is no real problem. What ever dick he might be enjoying in his off-time, is totally imaginary dick.

By the way, just a reminder to all fundementalist evangelicals who might make a big deal out of this: Ted Haggard is real, and he sucked real dick while he was building one of the biggest evangelical ministries ever (he also sucked on glass dicks full of crystal meth, hee hee!). He also caused more harm than Dumbledore, who is imaginary. Calm down and take a breath, 'kay?

'Kay...

The Woeful and Deliberate Pussification of Han Solo (and I mean "Pussification" in the most sex-positive sense)

2007-10-19T18:02:00.000-04:00

My friend Jenni wrote:

Mr. TWIT, I can see you're having trouble with blog fodder (or you're busy working, which clearly can't be the case) so I present you with my lunch-time musings: In a galactic fight between Hans Solo and Mal Reynolds, who would win?

Hmmm, Han Solo vs. Mal Reynolds? It's not really that tough a question. The answer is obvious. Mal would kick Han Solo's ass. Why you ask? Because, my friends, there is a very woeful, deliberate and systematic effort to turn the first great sci-fi cinema icon into a pussy.

(By the way, I don't mean "pussy" in a sexist way because vaginas, in general, are very tough, very resilient and strong enough to give birth to relatively large human babies... so don't get your panties in a twist, 'kay?)

February 1, 1981, Canada's first paid cable movie network "Superchannel", premiered with a 12:00 AM showing of Star Wars. I was eight years old at the time when I was introduced to my first anti-hero, Han Solo. He was a revelation! He was cool, he was tough, he was charming and pretty badass. It was the "Greedo Scene" that got me hooked. It wasn't so much that he blasted Greedo (first!) into a smoky mess, it was the way he flipped the tip on the table as he walked away. Sort of like "Here ya go, honey, and sorry for the mess."

For many of us, it may have been the first time we realized the the best kind of good guy is sort of bad. Nothing fleshes out a hero more than giving him a dark side, and at the time Han Solo was pretty dark (in relation to golden boy Luke Skywalker that is). Han was a debt-ridden smuggler, who won the Millenium Faclon in a card game. He shot first, and never bothered with the questions. He openly contemplated leaving Luke, Leia and the droids behind on the Death Star, and he wasn't going to save Leia in the first place unless he got paid. But it wasn't too long before they started to soften him up.

Personally, I blame the carbonation process. He wasn't quite the same when he got unfrozen. I mean he got captured in a net by Ewoks, for Christ's sake! You think pre-carbonized Han Solo would have gotten trapped that easily?

Return of the Jedi really signified the beginning of the downfall of Han Solo. The former lone wolf now was a captain, with responsibilities and duties. He even gave back the Falcon to Lando Calrissian, free of charge! Yeesh! Now I guess I could've handled all that, and let it rest, but when George Lucas began to retcon the whole Han Solo mysique in the re-release, re-digitized Star Wars Special Editions, that was the final straw. Greedo shooting first? Is he frickin' crazy!?! It made Han Solo look like an asshole!

So here's why Malcom Reynolds would kick Han Solo's ass.

10) Mal actually has prior military experience. Han was a half-assed smuggler they turned into a half-assed captain.

9) Mal had a better backup. I'd take Zoe over Chewbacca any day.

8) Han Solo might have had a faster ship, but Malcom would have given up his life before giving up Serenity to anybody. Especially Lando Calrissian!

7) In many ways Mal had more integrity because he's maintained a steady level of assholery. I mean, the guy was a shmuck, but he at least he knew his limits. That's why in episode 11, Trash he had to have Inara close the deal on the Lassiter caper.

6) Malcom actually got laid in episode 13, Heart of Gold. Han Solo never got laid. And honestly, how good do you think Princess Leia would be in the sack anyway?

5) In The Empire Strikes Back, when Han Solo got captured by the Galactic Empire and sent to torture, the second he got tasered he screamed like a bitch. In War Stories, when Mal and Wash got captured by Niska, they had to cut of a piece of Malcom's ear before he screamed. And mind you this was after they beat him to a bloody pulp and strapped him to an electric rack for hours.

4) I get the feeling that Jayne is just a leee-tle, bit intimidated by Mal. Jayne would never give Han Solo that kind of juice. And if Jayne actually got in a fight with Chewbacca, I suspect that the common room in Serenity would end up with a new shag rug.

3) Mal would never, and I do mean "nev-errr"... fall for the meat-on-a-stick Ewok net trap.

2) Mal had the better gun. It was a sleeker and more efficient design. That's why he was such a fast draw. Han Solo's gun is a blocky, barrel heavy piece of crap that probably took ages to draw. No wonder Greedo got off the first shot.

1) Malcom Reynolds always shoots first.

Satisfied, Jenni?

Welcome to my new Blog

2007-10-08T18:28:00.000-04:00

Hello all!

Welcome to "Trouble with Titles" (or just plain "TWIT"), an entertainment blog written by a guy who not only hates all the new shows on TV, he doesn't have cable TV anyway, can't afford to see all the new movie releases, and hates reading new books, rather preferring to read the same thing over and over again.

Basically the purpose of this blog is to streamline my other blog (aka. True North Strong and Free) which is originally intended for discussions on martial arts, and has devolved into rambling, pointless discussion about entertainment. So for those of you who like uninformed discussions about new media... Welcome! For those of you who like uninformed discussions about martial arts, go HERE!

In all seriousness, welcome and I hope you have fun here!

Cheers,
AKW