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A reader wrote:
Mr. Twit,
Planet Terror, one of my current favorites......yet I am concerned. While discussing with an acquaintance, I was accused of supporting gratuitous violence and cinema of no value or redeeming social quality. Mr. Twit, please reassure me that movies can still be enjoyable just because they are enjoyable....I mean heck.....it was a ZOMBIE movie, not a treatise on some social more or a documentary on some obscure psychological phenomena. Say it ain't so Mr. Twit!!!
Signed,
Overweight, Past Middle Aged, White Woman
Dear OPMAWW,
Your friend is not only a whiny bore, he or she is probably very sexually repressed, plain and simple. Plus your friend has a really messed up sense of scale. Consider the seven bucks you spent on renting Planet Terror versus the millions of dollars spent to blow up the World Trade Center, or the billions spent on the Iraq War. When it comes to supporting gratuitous violence I think those latter examples bother me way more than a friggin movie.
There's nothing wrong with you enjoying a trashy, ultra-violent, utterly charming piece of crapola like Planet Terror. (Speaking of charming, how friggin cool was that faux-trailer for Machete?)
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and if your friend just can't see the beauty of a one-legged woman shooting a zombie-rapist in the crotch with a M-60 machine gun modified to fit on her semi-healed amputation stump, you really can't fault your friend for that. You can only pity him/her. (I have a five dollar bet with my wife that your friend was a "her". Please confirm in the comments section.)
Could you imagine if every movie had to contain Redeeming Social Value? How sucky would that be? I mean I can fully enjoy Munich, but after a while a steady diet of that crap gives me a friggin headache. I need palette cleanser movies like Big Trouble in Little China.
It requires very little thought or contemplation. It helps ease the mind and makes the world a little bit less sucky. I love existential dread as much as Ingmar Bergman, but a little bit of John Carpenter shoot-'em-up ain't so bad.
Plus, your friend is absolutely wrong in claiming that Planet Terror has no Redeeming Social Value. The movie was made by Robert Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios, a company that provides employment opportunities by many Latino-American's, who are a generally under-represented in the movie industry. Name me another studio that would feature a great actor like Freddy Rodriquez as a bad-ass action hero? Plus the sheer logistics of producing Planet Terror is worthy of study. Many bloated, over-produced, big-budget, "socially redeemable" films would do well to emulate the efficient planning required to put together Planet Terror given it's relatively low-budget. Every bit of cash budgeted to make that film was put directly on the screen (The production could not afford hiring Bruce Willis for an extended period of time, thus they filmed all his shots in one day. That way the money usually required to rent a honey-wagon trailer for Mr. Willis was used to directly produce the movie.) I guess you can present such facts to refute your friend's claims that Planet Terror has no value, but why bother? Save yourself all that trouble, ditch your "friend" and make a new, much cooler, way more fun friend, sans the stick-up-the-ass.
Yours truly,
Mr. TWIT
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Who Watches the Watchmen
Me, that's who.
Yep, I'm going to be one of the first guys to go see the movie adaptation of The Watchmen (directed by Zack Snyder of 300) on opening weekend some time in 2009. And you know what? It's going to suck. Even if its a decent and enjoyable, it will suck multitudes when compared to the original comic.
Why, you ask? Because even at their best movies based on comic books and graphic novels are limited by the media of film itself. Not so much the visuals, because the Spiderman, X-Men, Blade, Sin City and even 300 show that you can present a visually dynamic, somewhat faithful representation of our favourite comic book hero's as depicted in comic book panels. But these same movies also show how the stories we comic book fans know and love often suffer under the strict time limits of the typical Hollywood blockbuster.
Perhaps the reason why the Spiderman, X-Men and Blade franchises suffer the least in the comic-book-to-movie transition is because these stories are entrenched in popular culture, thus screenwriters and movie audiences have a familiarity with the respective mythologies. Screenwriters can employ a kind of short-hand approach to depicting character origins, and audiences are more willing to accept a cursory review of the salient backstory points (for Blade, the overall vampire mythology serves as the short-hand, but still the first movie of the franchise, the origin tale, is an unsatisfactory movie as compared to Blade II).
Now, for a graphic novel like The Watchmen, the characters are not as well known in general popular culture, even though they are revered within the culture of the comic book world. Screen writers cannot employ a short-hand approach, rather, to do the characters justice, each one requires a significant introduction and development. Additionally, The Watchmen is a dense, complicated story, employing many literary tropes, including an arresting narrative-within-a-narrative (i.e., Tales of the Black Freighter) to counterpoint the main storyline. This is a lot to fit into a 2 to 2.5 hour summer blockbuster movie and the typical movie audience won't stand for the more leisurely pace required to do the original graphic novel justice.
Also, The Watchmen graphic novel is designed to explore the full dimensions of the comic medium. Both text and visuals work together to fully examine the universe depicted within it's pages. It is a unique structure, made especial for the comic medium. Sadly, the story won't be nearly as effective as a movie.
If I had my druthers, I would love to see The Watchmen adapted as an HBO mini-series. The best way to recreate the world of the graphic novel would be in a multi-episode format with the high visual and storytelling quality often afforded to HBO productions. And since I'm just plain daydreaming, I decided to present my casting choices for the non-existent HBO mini-series and compare them to the current cast of the The Watchmen movie currently under production. Here we go:
1) Nite Owl/Dan Dreiberg
Official Cast: Patrick Wilson
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Damien Lewis
I love Patrick Wilson's work in Angels in America, Hard Candy and Little Children, but I don't see him as the Nite Owl.
I can totally buy Band of Brothers's Damien Lewis as Dan Dreiberg, flabby, introverted, impotent, ornithologist by day, who in his Nite Owl persona, becomes a confident, dashing, dangerous crime fighter by night. He could totally play all the complex, psycho-sexual repression that so informs the character. And it would greatly make up for the fiasco that was Dreamcatcher.
2) Silk Spectre/Laurie Juspeczyk
Official Cast: Malin Ackerman
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Michelle Monaghan
Don't know much about Malin Ackerman. I saw her on a couple episodes of Entourage, and I know she was in the last Ben Stiller/Farrelly Bros. movie. She's obviously beautiful, but she didn't impress me much. Her The Heartbreak Kid co-star, Michelle Monaghan is my casting choice. She blew me out of the water in this years Gone Baby Gone. In the graphic novel, Laurie Juspeczyk is more than just a hot chick. The character is central to a major plot revelation, and it requires an actor of some weight to carry the drama of it. Michelle Monaghan definitely has the chops (plus she would look great fighting crime in a see-through negligee).
3)Rorschach
Official Cast: Jackie Earle Haley
Try as I might I can't argue with this choice. In Little Children, Jackie Earle Haley was able to play a child molester who's equally repulsive and sympathetic, which is no mean feat. I think he would make a great Rorschach. If I was forced to re-cast the role, I'd choose Leland Orser, best know as the sex-shop patron in Se7en.
4) Ozymandias/Adrian Veidt
Official Cast: Matthew Goode
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Patrick Wilson
I can totally buy Patrick Wilson as Adrian Veidt, the Smartest Man In The World. He looks almost exactly like Dave Gibbons's depiction of Ozymandias. On the other hand, I don't know Matthew Goode and don't really care to.
5) Dr. Manhattan/John Osterman
Official Cast: Billy Crudup
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Neal McDonough
Nothing in Billy Crudup's past repertoire leads me to think of him as Dr. Manhattan, the World's First Superman. That doesn't mean he couldn't do a good job portraying the character, because he is a good actor and acquits himself well in movies like Almost Famous. But personally, I'm not a big fan. For the role I would choose another Band of Brothers vet, Neal McDonough. I am a huge fan of his, and although I think he's slumming it in TV land right now, he would make a superb addition to the Watchmen cast. His "all-American" looks would serve well in the role of the human John Osterman, and would be a very tragic counter-point to Dr. Manhattan's ever-growing lack of humanity.
6) The Comedian/Edward Blake.
Official Cast: Jeffery Dean Morgan
Mr. TWIT's Choice: Clancy Brown
Again, don't know much about Mr. J.D. Morgan to offer an opinion of if he fits the role or not. What I do know is Clancy Brown is one of the best character actors around, and at his age, he would make a more believable choice for the Comedian. Clancy is famous for his bad guy roles in moves like The Shawshank Redemption, The Highlander, and Carnivale, but it's his funny, sympathetic role in the HBO movie Normal that leads me to think he would make a great Comedian. A funny and sympathetic bad guy is much more real and scary than a cardboard cut-out villain.
I think that if there is a common critque of my cast choices is that the actors are fairly old for the typical summer action movie. But I think the point I'm trying to make is that the problem with adapting Alan Moore graphic novels is that they are not summer blockbuster fodder. Look at the relatively unsatisfactory cinematic results of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell and V: For Vendetta (as compared to the source graphic novels), and you may agree that an HBO mini-series would be a better forum for a screen adaptation of Alan Moore's work. Still, I don't think there is a better form of media for his stories than the original graphic novels.
Yep, I'm going to be one of the first guys to go see the movie adaptation of The Watchmen (directed by Zack Snyder of 300) on opening weekend some time in 2009. And you know what? It's going to suck. Even if its a decent and enjoyable, it will suck multitudes when compared to the original comic.
Why, you ask? Because even at their best movies based on comic books and graphic novels are limited by the media of film itself. Not so much the visuals, because the Spiderman, X-Men, Blade, Sin City and even 300 show that you can present a visually dynamic, somewhat faithful representation of our favourite comic book hero's as depicted in comic book panels. But these same movies also show how the stories we comic book fans know and love often suffer under the strict time limits of the typical Hollywood blockbuster.
Perhaps the reason why the Spiderman, X-Men and Blade franchises suffer the least in the comic-book-to-movie transition is because these stories are entrenched in popular culture, thus screenwriters and movie audiences have a familiarity with the respective mythologies. Screenwriters can employ a kind of short-hand approach to depicting character origins, and audiences are more willing to accept a cursory review of the salient backstory points (for Blade, the overall vampire mythology serves as the short-hand, but still the first movie of the franchise, the origin tale, is an unsatisfactory movie as compared to Blade II).
Now, for a graphic novel like The Watchmen, the characters are not as well known in general popular culture, even though they are revered within the culture of the comic book world. Screen writers cannot employ a short-hand approach, rather, to do the characters justice, each one requires a significant introduction and development. Additionally, The Watchmen is a dense, complicated story, employing many literary tropes, including an arresting narrative-within-a-narrative (i.e., Tales of the Black Freighter) to counterpoint the main storyline. This is a lot to fit into a 2 to 2.5 hour summer blockbuster movie and the typical movie audience won't stand for the more leisurely pace required to do the original graphic novel justice.
Also, The Watchmen graphic novel is designed to explore the full dimensions of the comic medium. Both text and visuals work together to fully examine the universe depicted within it's pages. It is a unique structure, made especial for the comic medium. Sadly, the story won't be nearly as effective as a movie.
If I had my druthers, I would love to see The Watchmen adapted as an HBO mini-series. The best way to recreate the world of the graphic novel would be in a multi-episode format with the high visual and storytelling quality often afforded to HBO productions. And since I'm just plain daydreaming, I decided to present my casting choices for the non-existent HBO mini-series and compare them to the current cast of the The Watchmen movie currently under production. Here we go:
1) Nite Owl/Dan Dreiberg
Official Cast: Patrick Wilson
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Damien Lewis
I love Patrick Wilson's work in Angels in America, Hard Candy and Little Children, but I don't see him as the Nite Owl.
I can totally buy Band of Brothers's Damien Lewis as Dan Dreiberg, flabby, introverted, impotent, ornithologist by day, who in his Nite Owl persona, becomes a confident, dashing, dangerous crime fighter by night. He could totally play all the complex, psycho-sexual repression that so informs the character. And it would greatly make up for the fiasco that was Dreamcatcher.
2) Silk Spectre/Laurie Juspeczyk
Official Cast: Malin Ackerman
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Michelle Monaghan
Don't know much about Malin Ackerman. I saw her on a couple episodes of Entourage, and I know she was in the last Ben Stiller/Farrelly Bros. movie. She's obviously beautiful, but she didn't impress me much. Her The Heartbreak Kid co-star, Michelle Monaghan is my casting choice. She blew me out of the water in this years Gone Baby Gone. In the graphic novel, Laurie Juspeczyk is more than just a hot chick. The character is central to a major plot revelation, and it requires an actor of some weight to carry the drama of it. Michelle Monaghan definitely has the chops (plus she would look great fighting crime in a see-through negligee).
3)Rorschach
Official Cast: Jackie Earle Haley
Try as I might I can't argue with this choice. In Little Children, Jackie Earle Haley was able to play a child molester who's equally repulsive and sympathetic, which is no mean feat. I think he would make a great Rorschach. If I was forced to re-cast the role, I'd choose Leland Orser, best know as the sex-shop patron in Se7en.
4) Ozymandias/Adrian Veidt
Official Cast: Matthew Goode
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Patrick Wilson
I can totally buy Patrick Wilson as Adrian Veidt, the Smartest Man In The World. He looks almost exactly like Dave Gibbons's depiction of Ozymandias. On the other hand, I don't know Matthew Goode and don't really care to.
5) Dr. Manhattan/John Osterman
Official Cast: Billy Crudup
Mr. TWIT's Cast: Neal McDonough
Nothing in Billy Crudup's past repertoire leads me to think of him as Dr. Manhattan, the World's First Superman. That doesn't mean he couldn't do a good job portraying the character, because he is a good actor and acquits himself well in movies like Almost Famous. But personally, I'm not a big fan. For the role I would choose another Band of Brothers vet, Neal McDonough. I am a huge fan of his, and although I think he's slumming it in TV land right now, he would make a superb addition to the Watchmen cast. His "all-American" looks would serve well in the role of the human John Osterman, and would be a very tragic counter-point to Dr. Manhattan's ever-growing lack of humanity.
6) The Comedian/Edward Blake.
Official Cast: Jeffery Dean Morgan
Mr. TWIT's Choice: Clancy Brown
Again, don't know much about Mr. J.D. Morgan to offer an opinion of if he fits the role or not. What I do know is Clancy Brown is one of the best character actors around, and at his age, he would make a more believable choice for the Comedian. Clancy is famous for his bad guy roles in moves like The Shawshank Redemption, The Highlander, and Carnivale, but it's his funny, sympathetic role in the HBO movie Normal that leads me to think he would make a great Comedian. A funny and sympathetic bad guy is much more real and scary than a cardboard cut-out villain.
I think that if there is a common critque of my cast choices is that the actors are fairly old for the typical summer action movie. But I think the point I'm trying to make is that the problem with adapting Alan Moore graphic novels is that they are not summer blockbuster fodder. Look at the relatively unsatisfactory cinematic results of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell and V: For Vendetta (as compared to the source graphic novels), and you may agree that an HBO mini-series would be a better forum for a screen adaptation of Alan Moore's work. Still, I don't think there is a better form of media for his stories than the original graphic novels.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Mr. TWIT's Christmas List
I'm currently out of blog ideas so in the spirit of the Season of Giving, here's what I want you to give me (in no particular order):
1) A nice sweater from the Gap or Old Navy. Suitable for work but a little funky. (Size XL)
2) A new white button down dress shirt (Size 17 1/2)
3) A new dress tie (classy with minimal patterns, navy blue silk would be nice)
4) Hand knitted socks
5) A new stuffed toy, preferrably one that "speaks" (not "squeaks")when you squeeze it. (This one is for my dog, Keeper. His Mr. Froggy "Ribbit, ribbit" died on him this week.)
6) HMV/Future Shop/Best Buy gift certificates
6) Grindhouse Special Edition DVD (apparently this one won't be released until early next year so a gift certificate would come in handy)
7) "Neverwhere" by Neil Gaiman, paperback novel.
8) Katana 25 II (code kt25ii) from www.kriscutlery.com
9) The Watchmen movie teaser poster by Dave Gibbons
10) "Anancy and Miss Lou", by Honorable Louise Bennet-Coverly (This book is really hard to find. May be able to order a copy from A Different Booklist in Toronto http://www.adifferentbooklist.com/story.html)
11) "Selected Poems", Lousie Bennet (this book is even harder to find)
12) "Bum Rush the Page: A Def Poetry Jam" Tony Medina and Louis Reyes Rivera
13) "The Dangerous Book for Boys" by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden (I would prefer the UK edition, please)
14) "The SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, In any Climate, on Land or Sea" by John "Lofty" Wiseman
15) "The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook" by the Editor's of Cooking Illustrated
1) A nice sweater from the Gap or Old Navy. Suitable for work but a little funky. (Size XL)
2) A new white button down dress shirt (Size 17 1/2)
3) A new dress tie (classy with minimal patterns, navy blue silk would be nice)
4) Hand knitted socks
5) A new stuffed toy, preferrably one that "speaks" (not "squeaks")when you squeeze it. (This one is for my dog, Keeper. His Mr. Froggy "Ribbit, ribbit" died on him this week.)
6) HMV/Future Shop/Best Buy gift certificates
6) Grindhouse Special Edition DVD (apparently this one won't be released until early next year so a gift certificate would come in handy)
7) "Neverwhere" by Neil Gaiman, paperback novel.
8) Katana 25 II (code kt25ii) from www.kriscutlery.com
9) The Watchmen movie teaser poster by Dave Gibbons
10) "Anancy and Miss Lou", by Honorable Louise Bennet-Coverly (This book is really hard to find. May be able to order a copy from A Different Booklist in Toronto http://www.adifferentbooklist.com/story.html)
11) "Selected Poems", Lousie Bennet (this book is even harder to find)
12) "Bum Rush the Page: A Def Poetry Jam" Tony Medina and Louis Reyes Rivera
13) "The Dangerous Book for Boys" by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden (I would prefer the UK edition, please)
14) "The SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, In any Climate, on Land or Sea" by John "Lofty" Wiseman
15) "The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook" by the Editor's of Cooking Illustrated
Monday, November 5, 2007
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Lines
October was a great movie month for me. I saw/rented a lot of great flicks. Rather than bore you with a detailed review of each, I've decided to provide a one sentence review of the movie in the form of a revised tag line
Official Tag Line:
"Fully Loaded!"
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Half-naked chicks, bad-ass dudes, flesh-eating zombies and a dude who collects testicles in a ziplock bag... Truly, the 'feel-good' movie of the year!"
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ***1/2
2) Gone Baby Gone
Official Tag Line:
"Everyone Wants The Truth... Until They Find It."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Come to Boston... get kidnapped by hairlipped pedophiles!"
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ****
3) Breach
Official Tag Line:
"How one man betrayed the security of a nation."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Watch Chris Cooper and Laura Linney compete in the 'Who's more scary' contest! If they mated, their baby would be just like that British chef who yells at people."
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars) : ***
4) Little Children
Official Tag Line:
"Let the little children come onto me."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Wow, man... white people sure are creepy..."
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ***
5) Transformers
Official Tag Line:
"Thier war. Our world."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"How can a movie look this great and suck so bad at the same time?"
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): **1/2
PS: I'm totally super excited about the Joss Whedon/Eliza Dusku TV Show. Tim Minear is also involved, so great! To bad it's on Fox. (they're gonna cancel after the first show) Can't we just give Joss Whedon his own network already?
1) Planet Terror
Official Tag Line:
"Fully Loaded!"
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Half-naked chicks, bad-ass dudes, flesh-eating zombies and a dude who collects testicles in a ziplock bag... Truly, the 'feel-good' movie of the year!"
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ***1/2
2) Gone Baby Gone
Official Tag Line:
"Everyone Wants The Truth... Until They Find It."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Come to Boston... get kidnapped by hairlipped pedophiles!"
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ****
3) Breach
Official Tag Line:
"How one man betrayed the security of a nation."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Watch Chris Cooper and Laura Linney compete in the 'Who's more scary' contest! If they mated, their baby would be just like that British chef who yells at people."
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars) : ***
4) Little Children
Official Tag Line:
"Let the little children come onto me."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"Wow, man... white people sure are creepy..."
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): ***
5) Transformers
Official Tag Line:
"Thier war. Our world."
Mr. TWIT's Alternate Tag Line:
"How can a movie look this great and suck so bad at the same time?"
Mr. TWIT's rating (out of 4 stars): **1/2
PS: I'm totally super excited about the Joss Whedon/Eliza Dusku TV Show. Tim Minear is also involved, so great! To bad it's on Fox. (they're gonna cancel after the first show) Can't we just give Joss Whedon his own network already?
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