Who Watches the Watchmen

Me, that's who.

Yep, I'm going to be one of the first guys to go see the movie adaptation of The Watchmen (directed by Zack Snyder of 300) on opening weekend some time in 2009. And you know what? It's going to suck. Even if its a decent and enjoyable, it will suck multitudes when compared to the original comic.

Why, you ask? Because even at their best movies based on comic books and graphic novels are limited by the media of film itself. Not so much the visuals, because the Spiderman, X-Men, Blade, Sin City and even 300 show that you can present a visually dynamic, somewhat faithful representation of our favourite comic book hero's as depicted in comic book panels. But these same movies also show how the stories we comic book fans know and love often suffer under the strict time limits of the typical Hollywood blockbuster.

Perhaps the reason why the Spiderman, X-Men and Blade franchises suffer the least in the comic-book-to-movie transition is because these stories are entrenched in popular culture, thus screenwriters and movie audiences have a familiarity with the respective mythologies. Screenwriters can employ a kind of short-hand approach to depicting character origins, and audiences are more willing to accept a cursory review of the salient backstory points (for Blade, the overall vampire mythology serves as the short-hand, but still the first movie of the franchise, the origin tale, is an unsatisfactory movie as compared to Blade II).

Now, for a graphic novel like The Watchmen, the characters are not as well known in general popular culture, even though they are revered within the culture of the comic book world. Screen writers cannot employ a short-hand approach, rather, to do the characters justice, each one requires a significant introduction and development. Additionally, The Watchmen is a dense, complicated story, employing many literary tropes, including an arresting narrative-within-a-narrative (i.e., Tales of the Black Freighter) to counterpoint the main storyline. This is a lot to fit into a 2 to 2.5 hour summer blockbuster movie and the typical movie audience won't stand for the more leisurely pace required to do the original graphic novel justice.

Also, The Watchmen graphic novel is designed to explore the full dimensions of the comic medium. Both text and visuals work together to fully examine the universe depicted within it's pages. It is a unique structure, made especial for the comic medium. Sadly, the story won't be nearly as effective as a movie.

If I had my druthers, I would love to see The Watchmen adapted as an HBO mini-series. The best way to recreate the world of the graphic novel would be in a multi-episode format with the high visual and storytelling quality often afforded to HBO productions. And since I'm just plain daydreaming, I decided to present my casting choices for the non-existent HBO mini-series and compare them to the current cast of the The Watchmen movie currently under production. Here we go:


1) Nite Owl/Dan Dreiberg



Official Cast: Patrick Wilson



Mr. TWIT's Cast: Damien Lewis



I love Patrick Wilson's work in Angels in America, Hard Candy and Little Children, but I don't see him as the Nite Owl.

I can totally buy Band of Brothers's Damien Lewis as Dan Dreiberg, flabby, introverted, impotent, ornithologist by day, who in his Nite Owl persona, becomes a confident, dashing, dangerous crime fighter by night. He could totally play all the complex, psycho-sexual repression that so informs the character. And it would greatly make up for the fiasco that was Dreamcatcher.

2) Silk Spectre/Laurie Juspeczyk



Official Cast: Malin Ackerman



Mr. TWIT's Cast: Michelle Monaghan



Don't know much about Malin Ackerman. I saw her on a couple episodes of Entourage, and I know she was in the last Ben Stiller/Farrelly Bros. movie. She's obviously beautiful, but she didn't impress me much. Her The Heartbreak Kid co-star, Michelle Monaghan is my casting choice. She blew me out of the water in this years Gone Baby Gone. In the graphic novel, Laurie Juspeczyk is more than just a hot chick. The character is central to a major plot revelation, and it requires an actor of some weight to carry the drama of it. Michelle Monaghan definitely has the chops (plus she would look great fighting crime in a see-through negligee).

3)Rorschach



Official Cast: Jackie Earle Haley



Try as I might I can't argue with this choice. In Little Children, Jackie Earle Haley was able to play a child molester who's equally repulsive and sympathetic, which is no mean feat. I think he would make a great Rorschach. If I was forced to re-cast the role, I'd choose Leland Orser, best know as the sex-shop patron in Se7en.



4) Ozymandias/Adrian Veidt



Official Cast: Matthew Goode



Mr. TWIT's Cast: Patrick Wilson



I can totally buy Patrick Wilson as Adrian Veidt, the Smartest Man In The World. He looks almost exactly like Dave Gibbons's depiction of Ozymandias. On the other hand, I don't know Matthew Goode and don't really care to.

5) Dr. Manhattan/John Osterman



Official Cast: Billy Crudup



Mr. TWIT's Cast: Neal McDonough



Nothing in Billy Crudup's past repertoire leads me to think of him as Dr. Manhattan, the World's First Superman. That doesn't mean he couldn't do a good job portraying the character, because he is a good actor and acquits himself well in movies like Almost Famous. But personally, I'm not a big fan. For the role I would choose another Band of Brothers vet, Neal McDonough. I am a huge fan of his, and although I think he's slumming it in TV land right now, he would make a superb addition to the Watchmen cast. His "all-American" looks would serve well in the role of the human John Osterman, and would be a very tragic counter-point to Dr. Manhattan's ever-growing lack of humanity.

6) The Comedian/Edward Blake.


Official Cast: Jeffery Dean Morgan



Mr. TWIT's Choice: Clancy Brown



Again, don't know much about Mr. J.D. Morgan to offer an opinion of if he fits the role or not. What I do know is Clancy Brown is one of the best character actors around, and at his age, he would make a more believable choice for the Comedian. Clancy is famous for his bad guy roles in moves like The Shawshank Redemption, The Highlander, and Carnivale, but it's his funny, sympathetic role in the HBO movie Normal that leads me to think he would make a great Comedian. A funny and sympathetic bad guy is much more real and scary than a cardboard cut-out villain.

I think that if there is a common critque of my cast choices is that the actors are fairly old for the typical summer action movie. But I think the point I'm trying to make is that the problem with adapting Alan Moore graphic novels is that they are not summer blockbuster fodder. Look at the relatively unsatisfactory cinematic results of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell and V: For Vendetta (as compared to the source graphic novels), and you may agree that an HBO mini-series would be a better forum for a screen adaptation of Alan Moore's work. Still, I don't think there is a better form of media for his stories than the original graphic novels.